Monday, June 29, 2015


It seems to me the two basic approaches to life are those of aggregation and transformation.  The first consists in collecting objects and experiences, which can and often does include the experience of power, but could also include travel and the gratification of varied interests.

The latter consists in a focus on inner reality, and where and how that reality meets the external world, and continually working to refine it so as to have transformative, paradigmatic, qualitative experiences, ones which do not add to previous experiences, but supplant them.

I would submit that both Consumerism and Socialism are variants of the first objective, where Socialism is preoccupied not with adding things or experiences, but in theory with deducting them, with eliminating the possibility of negative experiences of racism, sexism, greed, and inequality.  It is assumed that purely by deducting the alleged negatives, happiness will blossom.  In the long term, and particularly where the alleged grievances were not actually that severe, this is very rarely the case.

An active meaning system=Living=transformation.


Gay Marriage

I thought this thoughtful.  Anyone who has watched this non-debate must, regardless of their views on the actual topic, be impressed and discomfited by the sheer weight of conformist violence which has been levied against anyone still articulating views which were commonplace 10 years ago.

And we must wonder where this abstract war against the very real existence of penises and vaginas is leading.  As I have asked repeatedly: what virtue inheres in denigrating the obvious fact that women and men differ in their biology and social expressions, even if the range of possibilities on both sides is wide?

It is my view that we are born wired with a "difference maker", a tribal instinct.  And this instinct, far from being extinguished in egalitarian projects, is in fact inflamed and made all the more vicious for its very intellectual and moral vacuousness.

Leftism results in extreme violence precisely BECAUSE of the intellectual sophistry underlying its claims.  People become MORE violent the weaker their claims to injustice.

One must always, in the end at least, and preferably in the beginning, ask what the purpose is.  What is the purpose of life?  Where do we want to go as a nation, and as a people?

I would argue that the real oppression of gays is not the existence of laws regulating the words they can use to describe their relationships, but rather in their very existence in a society which has renounced the use of reason, capitulated in its quest to find enduring meaning in life, and all but abandoned the conforming masses to the beliefs that human souls are a fantasy, that human life ends in biological decay, and that all our work means nothing.

As I have often said, the colors of autumn signal not new life, but new decay, and all the supposed efflorescence of this new reality--that of using the Bill of Rights to confer a right which appears nowhere within it--is in fact a signal of cultural loss and decline.

As has become customary for those seeking to avoid the censure of the reflexive, I will admit candidly I don't care whether or not gays can marry, because it doesn't affect me.  Every gay within ten miles of me could be married and I wouldn't know it.  It is the larger realities which alone concern me.  It is the tone, and the lack of intellectual principle--of genuine Liberality--which concerns me.

And at the end of the day, I think my principal concern even with gays is that this whole project is making it HARDER to answer the question "who am I"?, not easier.  If everyone and everything is equal to everyone and everything else, the loss of the ego is assured.  As they say implicitly in this interesting article, it is in important respects better to be "oppressed" that fully integrated:

What I want more than anything is a return to--or first general use of, depending on your reading of history--the use of negotiation to resolve difference.  There is a profound difference between eradicating alterity, and accepting it.  The first is the egalitarian impulse, and it leads to existential angst and unhappiness.  The latter is the basis of genuine Liberalism and the persistence of meaning.

Sunday, June 28, 2015


I took a brief hiatus there because I had to see a man about a horse, but I'm back.  My brain has of course been percolating, and I will allow it fuller expression tomorrow, but for now I wanted to submit that my emerging conviction is that fearlessness and spirituality are more or  less synonymous--at least the proper beginning of spirituality, which is a word I have used only rarely as abused, misused, and largely denuded of the capacity for conveying any important truths.

Constant vigilance is not fearlessness.  Constant preparedness is not fearlessness.  What is needed is to step into the ether, and stay there as well as you can, floating on whatever emerges to meet you.  This is the path forward.

Tuesday, June 16, 2015

Break through

As I mention from time to time, I have some interesting nights.  Last night was quite useful.  I will often wake up babbling nonsense words, but I had this interesting vision: a set of boxes that contained different experiences.  I opened them.  In one of them, I was happy, laughing, babbling, and then BAM I took this major shot in my solar plexus. I think biologically, archeologically, this is what happened.  I was punched as a baby.

Then I was given a clear message: a feeling of happy verbalizing, the punch, then shaking.  It was literally a phased message in body code, as crystal clear as it could be.  Words that were better than words, because it included the demonstration of "that".

This is a great thing.  I think having pulled that out, it will take my solar plexus out of the loop in terms of generating tension.

And I feel pride in having pulled a Houdini.  Born to narcissistic parents, traumatized before I could walk, hit regularly from age 1 to 4, moved around regularly--preventing the formation of stable, long term friendships--and disconnected from regular contact with any family: I am still growing.   Fuck the odds.  I am still alive.

And after this I had all sorts of paranoid dreams.  An omnipotent security state tracking down the last remnants of humanity.  Dreams of course can have multiple levels.  For me, of course, what I was seeing represented was my fear, the fear soup I have lived in all these years, of being chased and pursued.  Actually, another one of the boxes contained me crawling, desperate to escape, and being unable to, since of course I was just a small baby.

But we of course do need to fear this.  There are, in my view, a considerable number of well organized and well funded people who want to build a planetary government, which will be run by emotionally immature people with crap ethical systems, no empathy, and no true long term vision other than universalization of control.  They want to rule the world because they can't figure out how to live actually useful lives.

In my case, fear is disappearing outright.  It is simply dropping away.  I will resist these people--and try to talk to them, through this blog--by pointing out better way, more human ways, less evil ways, of building a global civilization.  This is what we want: civilization.  Culture.  Global government is merely a system of control.  Laws exist where men are bad.  We should want less laws, not more, because men (and of course women) are growing steadily morally.  No plan exists among the globalists, that I can see, to do more than indoctrinate kids in egalitarianism, where radical environmentalism adds the postulate that we are all equal to the earth, and it us.  Socialism as mass death, despite the scientific feasibility of continuing with the present population, and letting it naturally decline as standards of living get higher.

Saturday, June 13, 2015

Nurturing versus fighting

This is the fundamental challenge I am negotiating at the moment.  My history is to view the world as a hostile place, and all action to start from the presumption of resistance.  This of course creates problems that did not exist, and more than anything, it is tiring.  The amygdala can only take so much fight or flight activation.  Practically, every time you activate it, you will need a recovery period.

The alternative is what I once called the Turtle Approach, which is to nurture, to feed, to shine light on, all the things I want, and do it daily, and for a long period of time. Never take anything to the limit, but always show up.  Be consistent.  And most importantly, enjoy the process of nurturing.  Enjoy the current, very small result, and look forward to the long term result, but not too much.  If you take enough care in the now, the future will take care of itself.

And one of the things I am thinking is that for people who like to fight, there is no end.  You can win every contest across a lifetime, and not run out of opponents.  Musashi was never defeated (actually, I think he was once, by a bo practitioner), but I wonder how well he slept at night.

The way I think it works is fights come to you. And if you build every day, when they come, you will be ready.  And if they don't come, you have not wasted your time in useless tension.

We all die.  It is not a great failure if your sin is taking a walk in the park rather than fortifying your windows.  To fear greatly, is to live poorly.

This has been one of my issues: I don't want to die stupidly.  I have not wanted to fail to investigate that weird noise. I have wanted my perceptions to be perfect.  Let nothing happen to me or my loved ones simply because I was not paranoid enough, not prepared enough.

But you can live a life looking constantly over your shoulder, worried about everything.  This is not living.  This is not confronting the inevitability of death directly.  This is not confronting the EVITABILTY of living directly.

I read a warrior is prepared for everything.  This may well be true.  If so, I do not want to be a warrior.  I want to be a simple man, perhaps a foolish man, but a free one: free from fear, and free to live openly with confidence, courage, and optimism. Let them take me when they will: I surrender to fate, and what will be.


As I mention from time to time, I find it an interesting practice to draw a weekly and annual Tarot card.  I don't know if I believe in it, but it really doesn't matter.  It's interesting.  It acts like a Rorschach or a filter, allowing you to focus on one aspect of your life.  Imagine if you took a series of lens and looked the world, to see what colors it elicited: a green lens, a purple lens, a pink lens.

Or imagine using essential oils to pull out latent aromas in food, cigars and wine?  What if you drank cherry wine while diffusing cherry essential oil (or something complimentary)?  I may actually need to try that.  Kijafa is quite good.

But of course I meant to say something else entirely.  Here is the thing about Tarot: ALL the cards are good.  There are no bad cards.  There are no cards that are gloom and doom.  I have pulled the Death card.  I have pulled a card where a dead body lies bleeding, pierced by many swords.

Living is transforming.  Not transforming, not changing, is mere existence.  It is dull, and not at all the point of life.  To transform, parts of you must die.  You must leave things and people and ideas and old emotions behind.  You must live light.

So all the cards, essentially, are either amplifications, or indications something is falling away.  Either something bad is ending, or something good is beginning or getting stronger.

You cannot do better for a philosophy of life than by assuming you can handle everything Life throws at you and make good of it somehow.  Tarot, to me, embodies this.

Edit: I will share a dream I had a few weeks ago.  I was in a many wheeled off-road vehicle with my kids, and everything was falling apart.  I wound up driving on a series of telephone poles many feet off the ground, all of which were collapsing as I was driving, but I stayed the course.  I kept above it all, in a constant dance of power and balance, and in the dream I thought to myself "This engine is damn strong.".  It all ended well.  We covered the contested ground.

Friday, June 12, 2015


There's a meme floating around that goes something like: "when a man says he'll do something, he'll do it.  No need to remind him every six months."

What stands in the way of gradualism for most of us?  Is it not fear?  That little project is not something you've done before, and you're not sure you can do it, so you distract yourself.  You look at other things.  That project disappears through a process of negative hallucination.

But that project represents your unprocessed Shadow.  It is by no means inconsequential, especially if its something that could be done in a few hours.

I think we could view the sum of our chosen Delays as the sum of our external Shadows. Each of them needs a ray of daylight.  It needs to get done: and not hastily, sloppily.  It needs to get done with affection and tenderness, and friendship.

What you offer the world is what you offer yourself. Therefore, what you offer yourself can be seen all around you.

Look around you.  I would encourage you to make decisions, if they are needed.  Do some one little thing, now.


It is one thing to live in a cave; and another to scamper out, tag a tree, and make it back alive.

I did that today: I replaced two toilet paper holders. Holy shit, you say, how fucking lame is that?  Are you kidding me?  Who says that kind of crap?

I do.  I was squeezed into a tiny little space long ago, and crushed.  For many years I have spent hours each day on the internet, and next to no time cleaning or organizing.  I have a good art collection on my walls, but beyond that, I have barely done anything.

The internet, I see, is one way I avoid life.  Drinking is another. Intellectualizing is another.  For many people this role is played by watching TV or playing video games.

Nobody really wants to be alone with themselves when they have a lot to deal with.  But before TV, you had a lot less distractions.  It was far less easy to escape, which meant that most people on some level had to come to grips with life and living.  Now, it can be postponed indefinitely.  If you get an Information Age job, you never, anywhere, have to encounter messy emotions. You can push them out there, and act childishly your whole life.  The only reckoning is death itself.

And what I am realizing is that life can be really good when you touch it, shake its hand, make friends with it.  There are so many fun things you can do.  Every day can be FILLED with accomplishments, each of which you can take pleasure in.  You cooked a meal: pride.  You organized everything: pride.  You worked out: pride.

And all of these things put together do in fact equal considerable actual, real accomplishment over time. They are how you get "switched on".

I think that was John Wooden's great secret: he derived pleasure from every exertion of every day.  Every movement he made in the direction of perfection filled him with joy, and even at times elation.  He was happy in every practice, and every game, and in PREPARING for the practice and the game, all by himself, often.

My current Kum Nye level has me looking for joy.  They say it is sometimes hidden at the bottom corner of your experience, or partially hidden behind a veil.  It is a blinking light you only slowly become aware of.  It is a faint melody or scent, almost too ephemeral and ethereal to catch, but which leaves a stronger impression for it.  It was there, dammit, I know it was there.

I have reached a point where I look at people differently, or at least I have.  I was driving down my main drag two or three days ago--a pleasant series of shops and trendy bars--and realizing that before I saw how everyone was suffering.  Now, I see that I actually may be in a position soon to help them do something about it.  It is not an innate human condition: it is a potentially temporary condition, brought on by ignorance.  There are tools and methods and ideas which can alter states at a fundamental, deep level, and do so permanently.

This, I think, is the essence of the Buddha's insight.  He saw pain, but he also saw a way out.  

Quantitative Easing

If you think about it, Quantitative Easing is actually a negative interest rate.  How do you get interest rates below zero?  You give money away.

Our nation is heavily indebted at all levels.  Our children start adulthood heavily indebted for school, and continue the process all their lives, most of them.  Our State and local and National governments: all heavily in debt.

Short of something like my proposal, we really have no means of absorbing and recovering from a major economic shock.  The Fed can't do it.  The national government can't do it.

And in large measure, WE can't do it.  We owe too many people too much money.  It makes you clumsy, slow, unwieldy, inflexible.  When you have a large monthly nut you have to cover, then you can't invest, and you have no savings.  Most Americans have no savings.

It continues to baffle me how the criminality of our system is not the subject of widespread outrage, at least among those who, in theory, ought to be able to render intelligent opinions on the topic.  Why am I the only one (as far as I know, and of course this is a large world with many voices) proposing the obvious?


Helpfully, I have had some major technical problems lately.  I bought a new iPhone, for example, and it took a good six hours of work to get it to synchronize (I said a while back I wouldn't buy another Apple product, but eventually reached the conclusion that there really are no good guys in high tech, and I may as well use something that tends to work more than to not work.  Music is important to me.)

As I was wrestling with this and a couple other unanticipated problems, it occurred to me that there is machine time, and non-machine time.  There is interacting abstractly with an abstract environment, which is what I am doing here.  And there is sitting at my kitchen table, working on a model, or practicing Tai Chi, or finally putting up new toilet paper holders and fixing the coat rack.  They feel different.  Here, I am more comfortable, but I think precisely because it takes me out of ordinary time.

My Lumosity scores have been going down the past few days, and I am realizing it is because I am living less in my head.  This is a good thing.

Why you can't fix stupid

I was reading comments on an article at Blue Nation Review--doesn't matter the one---and they were uniformly ignorant and self righteous, like always.  I started to do my thing, to put together a coherent counter-argument, to state the facts they were assiduously ignoring, to say the things their groupthink was evolving out of their consciousness as possibilities, and then it hit me: stupid people are stupid because they can't imagine any other way to be.  They cannot imagine anything else they could believe.

And they are very happy, having reached simple and clear certainties they never have to question.  Why would they look outside their circle for anything?

And by telling them they are stupid, I can only be attacking them as people, even if I justify my claims with enormous efforts at facts and reason.  None of that matters.  Logically, if there is only one possibility, and someone disagrees with it, then they are haters.  And there is no reason to listen to haters.

I often fear for the future obviously.  It is frustrating to me to see such--to my way of thinking, which I can justify at length, and which I have often exposed to criticism--idiotic and dangerous ideas proposed so often and so enthusiastically.

There is no reason 90% of the stores on Main Street might not be shuttered in 10 years if nothing changes.

There is no reason this nation, from coast to coast, might not be filled with the sighs of the hopeless and the dispirited, helpless in the face of an omnipotent government which alone provides salvation.

Everything is in place for a crash.  Fed policy cannot be made more easy, and they have been pumping $50 billion a month into the economy for most of Obama's tenure.

But as tempting as it is to feel I am doing SOMETHING in engaging with these people, the fact is I am not. I am in important ways completely helpless in the face of stubborn and proud imbecility.

It is time for me to acknowledge this fully and finally.  There is no reason I can't write a book, and no reason I can't start doing presentations to people who will listen to me.  There is no reason I can't continue sending emails to economists, and working on my other projects.

But I need to be realistic.  I have never been. I have more to say, but will say it in the next post.

Thursday, June 11, 2015


I have had a productive day, in my terms.  I set up an internal process that is already bearing fruit.  I will likely post on that at some point.

But I wanted to comment on PTSD.  The way it works is you can only be traumatized once, no matter how many traumatic events you have in your life.  That one time, that first time, causes you to create a room within yourself that is not public, that is beyond the reach of intruding emotions.  It is a zone of relative safety.

But this room comes with rent. There is a psychic cost to maintaining it.  And the more trauma you have, the harder and harder the beating on the door.  If it ever breaks fully, then that is a psychotic breakdown.  It is taking you beyond the breaking point.

Short of that, though, there is a lot of psychic energy that has to go into keeping it closed.  All of this pulls energy out of your daily life. It makes you less energetic, less open emotionally, and often depressed.  Fear leaks out under the door that cannot be fully ignored.

I may or may not have posted this story before:

In my view, when he put that electrical cord in his mouth at age 4, he got PTSD.  It gave him access to emotional dissociation, and practice in performing despite lacking some common emotions.  It likely made him better as an operator, but also unable to process in any meaningful way what happened to him, which was the fatal chink in his armor.

In coming years, if we survive the efforts of the Left, the Globalists, and the Islamists to destroy everything decent in the world, we will, I think, come to realize that pre-verbal PTSD is much more common that we has supposed.  In my dreams, we develop ways to identify it and treat it effectively.

The struggle I have been through could have been much shorter, but the categories I needed did not exist in any of the many dozens--likely hundreds--of books I read, or in the minds of any of the "professionals" I paid to help me.

Fear as precipitate

Everyone carries marks of childhood--and not infrequently adult experience--with them.  Your experience dictates how you move in space.  Everyone has their own posture, or acture, as Feldenkrais called it, which is precisely those modifications your experience compelled on you from normal, relaxed, optimized movement. In point of fact, and to make a brief turn to the negative, in additional to facial recognition, the people who are foolish enough to gladly participate in using the pretext of terrorism to build a perfect authoritarian state are working on gait analysis, so that even if your face is covered or altered, how you WALK can still be identified.  Hiding will become very, very difficult.  I have thought about this: even if you walk differently, use molds to change your face, and wear sunglasses, the technology will evolve to where, if they can identify everyone BUT you, then you stand out for that reason alone.  It is my considered view that a huge part of the value of "anti-terrorism" is that the EXACT same tools that can be used against people who are overwhelmingly not trying to attack us, can be used to build a perfect Orwellian state.  There will be no escape but death.

So, with that happy thought, not entirely irrelevant, it occurs to me that we all have a mix of emotions that can best be viewed as a solution.  They are dissolved in our everyday experience, and combine in ways which are constant and hard to see and define.  Fear, for example, can be inferred as much by what you feel, as in what you choose not to see. Its presence can be inferred by negative hallucinations, where people fail to see what is right in front of them.  Such a person may otherwise seem fear-free, but they are not.

A principle task in spiritual/emotional growth is isolating through precipitation those emotions which are not desired, which impede open and happy expression.  In my case, I have found that a primal fear underlies my tendencies towards anger, depression, and anxiety, all of which spring from a common root.

In my last post, what I was describing, I realize, is a precipitate of fear.  This is an unambiguously good thing, from a personal growth perspective.  I have isolated and concentrated it, and I can now deal with it on its own terms.  I have some terrible nights, but have noticed the past few days I have been quite calm during the day.

This whole process is as difficult as an analogous chemical reaction, but it is needed.  Alchemy was held in mystical reverence for a reason.

Wednesday, June 10, 2015


I realized this morning that I have nightmares without the content.  I taught myself to fight all evil creatures in my dreams.  Nothing chases me.  Nothing attacks me that I don't attack back.

But I sometimes--and last night was an example--mainline fear.  It is like fear--really terror--was concentrated and injected into me.  And I have all the normal reactions.  I shout out, I shake.  I more or less literally fell out of bed twice last night and wound up shaking on the floor.  Not pleasant.  And I verbalize in weird ways I won't try to describe, but this is the main feature that makes me think this is most likely PTSD, and not some other ailment, like heart trouble, or metabolic derangement, or sleep apnea.  I had some particularly odd experiences last night I won't describe, but which were completely inconsistent with any of those diagnoses.  It is not something I have seen described anywhere.  I continue to most trust myself as my own therapist.

And you live with something long enough, you begin to show contempt for it.  And its source is changing.  It was in my legs, then my belly, now it is in my heart region.  There is an energy of panic and being startled/terrified just floating around there, somewhat randomly.  This dovetails with my current Kum Nye practice, which is oriented around releasing areas of holding.  This iteration I am again working on the belly, but now the face as well, and implicitly everything in between.

I am going to need to focus on positive things for a period of time.  I am going to need to focus on sleeping through the night, which will include eradicating blood sugar issues (not a big factor, but may be a factor), getting more consistent in my Kum Nye, and overall reducing for the time being the number of things I am worrying about.  I worry about global events that I can little affect, and certainly not control.  All that tension and anxiety adds up.  It accumulates, and there is some part of me that is the perfect place to receive it.

Google Chrome has an app called StayFocused.  I'm not a big fan of Google--after all, they were Obamas's biggest campaign contributor and employ Ray Kurzweil--but if I want to use only politically and economically sane technology companies, I am pretty much SOL.  Anyway, I'm going to block all my political sites, and only allow 15 minutes a day on Facebook until I can sleep all night.

Edit: Stayfocused wasn't doing shit--it was not counting down on the sites I blocked--and I then realized it allows Google to track me in even finer detail than before, and they have NO way of removing it from Chrome, once installed.  So I switched to Firefox, and am simply going to try and control myself.

Correction: you CAN remove this extension.  I still don't like Google, but I try to tell the truth about things.

And I'm going to try and watch a comedy nightly.

Monday, June 8, 2015


I read through the list of attendees, and I have to say, I think there is another convention somewhere else that the actual power elite are going to.  The Prime Minister of Belgium?  Yes, Eric Schmidt is there, and some Goldman Sachs folks, but surely any good mind would have to grant that with the secrecy gone, with more protesters showing up every year, sooner or later they would convene a separate meeting somewhere else, in actual privacy, and actual secrecy?  They keep this show going, so no one is the wiser, but re-Bilderberg the Bilderberg conference.

Specifically, I'm wondering where Bill Gates is. And Jamie Dimon.

I think Jekyll Island would be quite appropriate.  It has a history of secret machinations.

Sunday, June 7, 2015


I just finished watching Kieslowski's Blue.  It is the best treatment of the process of grief and mourning I have ever seen.  It was hard to watch at times, but ultimately redemptive.  I don't know who the composer was, but the music was quite beautiful.

And it occurs to me that a principal challenge I have faced is both the presence of grief, and the fact that it is linear.  A typical cycle of grieving is life-death-life.  I started with death.

I have done the thought-work of creating a complete world for myself, cognitively.  I have developed a moral code, and comprehensive worldview.  I have understood myself deeply, down to a very, very primitive level.  I know where I come from.

But it seems to me now that the only way forward is to allow myself to touch moving water and let it guide me into something new.  Will will not avail me in this process.  This is my truth, today.  Acceptance must be my truth today.

Thursday, June 4, 2015

Forest and the trees

I got one emailed response, from a professor at Princeton:


Please note that I don’t wish to get into a debate. There are many books and many university courses on the role of money in the economy, you need to begin there.

This is useful on several levels.  One, I now know that the emails are getting through at least some of the Spam filters.  I send them one at a time to reduce the chances of this.

Two, I think I can view this response as representative.  They have been solving the problems created by our infernal system so long they can no longer think outside of it. I honestly think the entire DISCIPLINE of Economics exists in large measure to help address the problems fractional reserve banking creates.  If people were not fucking with our money, everything would run itself.  There would be no cause or reason to even contemplate government tampering in the economy.

But I seem to be the only one saying this.  Certainly, Murry Rothbard and some others like him understand the predatory nature of fractional reserve banking, but no one to my knowledge has proposed fixing it by reversing the theft.  I've seen calls for full reserve banking, but never for fixing the money supply and never changing it.  The most radical people merely call for a return to the gold standard.  But gold can be mined, and the only TRUE gold standard is using gold itself for currency.  Money STARTED as a stand-in for actual specie.

I don't know if I enjoy being a tribe of one, but I value immensely the feeling of independence from the need to think like other people. I can come and go as I please, and explore what I want, how I want.  I answer to no one.

This, by the way, is why I've never made any serious effort to become a paid writer.  I tried for five minutes with Front Page Magazine--actually, a little thing within the overall enterprise--but my first piece got shot down, and I realized that having an editor may as well be conflated with having an intellectual jailor [edit, in an non-obvious decision of irony, I chose to conflate jailer and captor.  I can do that: it's my blog], at least where I am concerned.

My piece was on the fact--which I've posted on here somewhere--that at least $15-$20 billion of the so-called Stimulus appears to have vanished entirely.  They used a system in which they only knew money had been allocated by being informed by people who had received checks.  Turns out many of those who said they got money didn't exist.  The money vanished. The obvious conclusion is that this money was diverted to black ops.  By whom, and to what purpose, of course, only those involved know.  But Congress has never investigated this.  Only in a United States budget is $20  billion an unimportant sum.  But it would pay to harden our energy grid against an EMP roughly 10x over.

Wednesday, June 3, 2015

Moral Courage

I just took a chance.  I sent a DVD on 9/11 to someone I figured would be pissed off at me.  It's unclear if that's what happened, but preliminary indirect indications are yes. Yes, plus fucking ignorance: he didn't watch it, goddamn it.

Here is my position: it obviously takes balls to run into enemy fire, and face death.  But you are running with a lot of other people.  You are doing EXACTLY what you were trained to do, what you were brainwashed to do, to do reflexively without thinking about it.  You are conforming to the behavior of everyone around you.  Particularly given your training, it is in many respects easier to do what is expected, than what would otherwise be natural.

When you are taking an unpopular position, you are not, in most cases, in danger of death.  No blood will flow.  No letters will be written to next of kin.  This is all to the good.

But you will be hated.  You will be attacked verbally and often implicitly threatened physically.  You are doing the opposite of what your cohort otherwise would have wanted you to do.  You are swimming against the current.  You have no companions.  No one has your back.  You must fear people swarming around you in open contempt.

This is not death.  This is an important point.  BUT, I think many people would sooner face physical death than censure by those around them.

I think most people would sooner face bullets with their friends, than hard decisions, alone, on contentious topics.

This is, to take a Spockian perspective, illogical.  One case may kill you.  The other may merely embarrass you.  But I feel strongly, based on long term personal observation, that this is the case.

People very simply do not want to be the only ones saying something.  They do not want to feel that solitude.  They do not want to endure that neglect and ire.

My fear is slowly falling away.  This means I give less and less fucks every day.  If people want to be willfully  ignorant imbeciles, with a nod to Yogi Berra, nobody is going to stop them.


I was a drunk when I made that last post.  I'm trending that way right now.

But I've spent about 12 hours driving between yesterday and today, and done a fair amount of thinking.  I'll have more posts, but thought I'd revisit my last one.

I travel lines.  I travel them doggedly, mercilessly, like a chase dog pursuing prey.  I go wherever the logic or facts lead me.  I smash preconceptions.  They are useless to the task of perception.

And what if a travel a path a certain distance, and wind up in a place where people call me crazy?  What if I travel more, and they call me sane again?  And then I travel more and now I am insane again?  Then more, and now I am sane?

Does my passion, attention, capacity, or intelligence differ along that trip?  No: what varies is my conformity to views most people have simply imbibed somewhere, from either an unserious source, or someone willfully trying to skew their perception.

You have to be willing to be called crazy to be capable of anything approaching sanity.  Most people are terrified of public opinion, and this makes them stupid/crazy.

Monday, June 1, 2015

I value my insanity

that's it.

What a cage, "sanity".

Do we not live in an endless universe, and do we not all die?  Both of these facts, somehow, miraculously, can still be forgotten by the determined.

I don't forget.  It's not one of my attributes.  I remember everything.

Or at least I think I do.  How could I know for sure?