Friday, December 9, 2016


I'm  not sure how my description of some of my experiences sounds, but I would like to suggest that if they allowed themselves, most addicts would experience similar things.  That is the POINT of addiction: to keep such things contained, at bay, in a box or a drawer that, with the help of sex/work/weed/heroin/booze they can keep closed.

I am not unusual.  Where I think I might be a bit unusual--and "fake modesty" is not yet on the Verboten list, but I still see no reason to practice it--is in the extent of my ability to contact negative experiences, and not just stay with them, but to enter into them.  I feel fear often, but I do not fear fear. It is simply a color in my day, which I see and acknowledge, and which I am in the process of mastering.  I rub elbows with it, I dance "cheek to cheek" with it, to borrow a metaphor popular with the main Kum Nye teachers.

So many people endure wounds before age 5 that never get healed. I can't guess at the number, and I doubt very much most professionals can do more than hazard a best estimate.  This is so hard to measure, and the very notion of Developmental Trauma, although intuitively obvious, has only really entered the mainstream, as far as I can tell, in the last 20 years or less.  Prior to that, it was assumed that absent the COGNITIVE ability to form memories, that environment mattered little.  This seems at least to have been the de facto notion, although even on the face of it it is stupid.  We are animals, and even dogs remember who kicked them.

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