Monday, August 21, 2017

Antifa is nothing. Stay calm

I read 92% of these Antifa children live with their parents.  I don't know how anyone would know, but based on actual surveys of the usual suspects in these sorts of things, that sounds about right.  Everyone else has a job.

The deal is that they want to create a reaction which promotes recruiting.  It seems that virtually all of Charlottesville was false flag, but they still got a national reaction.

They only gain strength, though, when opposed violently.  That is why they had to engineer a violent confrontation, so they could claim innocence, even though they showed up in masks with baseball bats and 2x4's.

Here is the truth: ordinary Americans occupy the moral high ground.  This consists in moderates of both sides, but since they are not attacking people with D behind their names, it means in practice political conservatives and anyone who calls themselves a Republican (obviously, there is some overlap, but distressingly enough, not as much as there should be).

Non-violent resistance is the OBVIOUS answer to all this.  Yes, of course MLK Jr. had the media, and we don't.  But every time we feed the fire, it gets worse.

Trump remains President.  He has been attacked viciously and often all his life.  I'm not sure he likes it, but he certainly does not shy away from it.  Even though Congress is acting in a morally cowardly way, we do still have both parts of Congress, and absolute majorities in over half the States in America.

This is no time to panic.  This is no time to let anyone dictate the game to us.

It annoys me that they attack these monuments, but the fact of the matter is that they don't matter to most of us one way or the other.  Most of us have never met anyone who had anything directly to do with that war, because it would have been a grandfathers grandfather.

We can't let them get our goat.  Yes, violence is an easy answer, but it is an easy wrong answer.

The simple reality is that these are cowardly losers being funded by psychopaths, who want nothing more than to foment conflict they can exploit for political gain.  This is a harder game we are being asked to play, but fuck, we are not the whiny losers.  We are the winners.  And we are winning.  Let's stay on track.

Edit: I am presently suffering compassion fatigue.  I think it was the nails one of them put on their 2x4 in the Boston protests, or perhaps a group of them accusing a veteran of being "Nazi scum".

Time is on our side.  The optics on all this are horrible, and cannot but play to Trump's strengths.  It doesn't matter, OBVIOUSLY, what the media says, and it does not matter what the polling says.  All we have to do is stay in the game to keep racking up points they can't match.

Human Connection

In this lecture he references a study of rats and addiction.  Gabor Mate--who seems to have written the best books on addiction also references this study.

In the study, a solitary rat, given an option of water, and water with cocaine, will choose the latter until it dies.  From this, it was assumed that something in cocaine was inherently addictive.

But rats in fun places, surrounded by other rats, rarely or never get addicted.  They are enjoying themselves too much.

Here is the interesting question: how is it that people feel so alone, when surrounded by people and opportunities, that they act like the solitary rat?  Can we not posit that even people who shoot heroin in groups still feel alone?


Self abuse

I feel this morning that substance abuse in any form--and more broadly that compulsivity we call "addiction"--is really self abuse.  It is a form of cutting, of denying, of saying no to something.

And what are we saying no to?  Positive feelings.  You might feel, when you are drunk, or high, or fucking another stranger, that life is good, that everything is wonderful.  But you also know that you will come down.  And you know the darkness that awaits you, the helplessness that awaits you.  You know the weight of the world.

And so why would any sane person not want to go back up again as soon as possible?  What sane person would want to live in the dark cage of their life, when there is another possibility?  Is it not the case that there is no need at all to explain this behavior, that it is utterly rational and predictable, for people with certain sorts of wounds?

And I feel the critical pivot point is trust.  We need other people, but some of us find it difficult or impossible to trust life and to trust other people.  We have been betrayed too often, too early, and felt too much pain.  So we create half of what we really want, but create it in a way we control.

What we suppress is a natural sense of open wonder, of spontaneous affection, of joy.  All of these things, we have learned, can be sucked up, used, and spit out by others.  So our addiction is really in important respects a barrier against authentic happiness.

I am slowly awaking from a long dream--and dream, not nightmare, is the word, since my numbness kept much of it from being too unpleasant--and seeing possibilities I never guessed were there.

For my part, given the strangeness of our world, I feel little surprise that so many people escape through work or sex, or alcohol.  I feel no wonder that opiates are surging through our alienated world.  Why would they not, when we have lost the ability to speak, to share needed truths, to feel who we are, to connect with ourselves and everything around us?

Sunday, August 20, 2017

Kieslowski's Decalogue

I have now managed to watch numbers 4-10, which are all that are available on NetFlix.  I will have to buy the rest.  I just want to say that I am a lifelong film buff, and no film or series of films has ever moved me more, or better probed deep human issues than this set of short films.

Because of his style and his spirituality, Tarkovsky will remain my favorite director.  But for dealing in nuanced, non-reductive and sympathetic ways with complex moral and emotional issues, for my money Kieslowski has no equal, and very few even come close.  He is--or was--one of the world's truly great film directors and writers, and it is a shame he is not better known.

I suspect a primary reason for this is that his films are work.  They are so emotionally evocative I find myself weeping at the end of nearly every one--7 in particular was very difficult, and of course the music doesn't help--and have to work myself up to watch them in the first place. This DVD has been sitting on my counter for two weeks.

This, however, is genius.  All of us need to do the adult work of understanding one another and ourselves, even though it is often painful when done properly.

Speaking politically

My sense that I am good at breaking down complex issues into simpler narratives, without reducing them in a manner harmful to truth and effectiveness, is I think well founded. I am intelligent. I am a good writer.  I am talented in some ways.

But what I am feeling right now is my essential inhumanity, my coldness, my distance.

These people marching in the streets--Antifa, BLM, et al--they are frightened.  What they need in their hearts is for someone they TRUST to quiet them, and tell them its all going to be OK.  You can calm down.  The future is not going to hurt you.  The world is not your enemy.

What they need is honest and heartfelt nurturing, of a sort I suspect most of them never got.  Most of us, any more, in this mechanical and passively hostile world never get what we really need.  Their parents were working.  Their culture values them mainly for their capacity to contribute economically, and goodness is close to being equated with wealth.  They were raised with computers with no souls.  They were raised without profound and soul-level music and poetry.  They were raised without communal dance and rejoicing.

We have no real festivals.  We rarely or never meet Life together and with good cheer and optimism.

The image I get is villages where, when you cannot sleep, you get up and go to the center--which is not far away--and meet others and listen to stories you have heard many times, which quiet the soul, and eventually inspire refreshing sleep, and a spirit of openness to life in the morning when the Sun comes up again, as it always does.

It is of course a truism to say that most of us are separated from nature, but it is even more obvious we are living in manners which separate us from one another.

I for one am continually drawing lines. I can tell you why psychologically, and cannot yet tell you how to stop, but this important reality needs to be acknowledged.  There are many like me.

This is a day, for me, for dreaming.  I will not share all my dreams here yet, although the broad outlines should be clear enough.  But I will say that I do feel a sense of destiny, that all my suffering has been for a purpose, that if God wills it, I may have a role to play in helping all of us out of our collective nightmares.

Judgement Day

Judgement Day is when the full truth is told and cannot be avoided.  It is when you feel fully what your actions have done in the world, what effect they have had on the lives of those around you.

True love arises from the feeling of Judgement Day, because it partakes inherently of the truth that we are all connected, and it can see, immediately and accurately, what is happening, how people are feeling, and what is needed.

Hell is feeling apart.  We can protect ourselves for a long time with intentionally foggy thinking, and particularly through the illusion of group membership bought with violence against another, but not forever. 

Today and tomorrow, particularly, feel what comes up in your heart.  Feel what the universe has been trying to tell you for so very long, with infinite patience, and infinite compassion.  No one is ever lost, but many wander far, far away from their homes.  Certainly, I have.  I continue to try and find my path back.

Saturday, August 19, 2017


The concept of universal human rights is an abstraction.  So too is "social justice", which can mean whatever the person using it wants it to mean.

Ponder how odd it is that we were able to build so much on one iteration of abstract thinking; and how that same style of thinking, with different content, is working so well to destroy everything good it touches.

Self evidently, the common theme is emotional detachment, and the differences are in the spirit of active and self reflective honesty, genuine good will, and attention to logical rigor, none of which matter in the slightest to most current academics.

The truth

I was feeling blue Wednesday for several reasons, and my therapist suggested a depression protocol for my neurofeedback session.  I really felt much better a few hours later.  I will continue to say that this process will over time replace substantially all psychiatric pharmaceuticals, and most traditional talk therapy.  Precisely because it works and because it is relatively inexpensive, I expect many special interests to work hard to get it more restricted, but the simple fact is that it is virtually impossible to do wrong, has pretty much zero side effects, and does what it is supposed to do.  Good news for humanity, bad news for greedy useless parasites.

Here is the truth, though: I truly think virtually everyone worked up about politics on all sides is depressed, but particularly the Left.  It is an old fact that many people express depression as irrational anger.

There is nothing wrong with opposing racism.  There is nothing wrong with wanting justice, defined in a reasonable way.  These are laudable, commendable goals.  I like most Americans hurt when I watched Roots.  I felt shame.  I hated the Nazis in any number of movies, and in books of history.  I could not understand the horrors of the Holocaust.  Most Americans are like me.  They want things to fair and just.  They want everyone to get their fair shot, and then some.  They want anyone and everyone, of any race and origin, who is willing to work hard, to succeed.  We have long been like this.

But the Left does not connect in any important way with Heartland America, with the values of most of the people who build and create in this country.  These people--Leftists--base their lives and actions on demonstrable lies.  They lie about our history.  They ignore much of the history of the world. Why?

Why, to take one of more examples than I can readily list, does no one ask why Mauritania only banned slavery during the George W. Bush era, just before Obama took office?  If slavery is a problem, carrying it into the 21st century as a legal institution should have been a problem too.

I really do think that in large measure they have nothing else.  Particularly atheists have nothing else.  There is no other ground to stand on, no other campaign to pursue, no other victory worth the winning.  It is anger or sadness, anger or a sense of uselessness and futility.  When they cannot find a cause, they create one, as with the monument controversy.

If they were happy, patient, and whole-heartedly dedicated to the long term good of all, they would be asking questions about, for example, how to get more charter schools in inner cities, how to attract good jobs to inner cities, and how to improve policing in all communities.

But they don't do that.

Sanctimony, Smoke and Wind

So you tell me you hate racism so much, and you feel violence is the answer.

What, pray tell, is a sane person to make of your habit of calling anyone who disagrees with you even slightly a "racist"?

Honest blame

It occurs to me that if one single person is most responsible for the death of that woman in Charlottesville, it would be the person--he, she, or it-/who was beating the bumper of the driver. That was a nice car, and he probably assumed the windows were next. He rammed forwards to get room, backed up rapidly and sped away.

I wonder if this person has shed any tears contemplating their direct role in the death of one of their own, or is the hate thick and impermeable enough that nothing is left of nuance, of personal accountability, and of the possibility of conscience?

Moralistic supply and the assault of the Squirrel Tamers

Psychologists speak of the need of Narcissists for attention, which some call "Narcissistic Supply".

I would suggest there is a similar need among the psychologically weak, lost, and rudderless for "Moralistic Supply".  They need to feel regularly and often, the sense that they matter, that their lives are not the utterly boring, utterly uncreative wastelands that they in fact are.

As I have noted for some time, the pun "Kos/Cause" at the Daily Kos cannot be accidental, even if that was his nickname--perhaps or even likely the one he gave himself.  Knowing nothing other than that he is the publisher of that site, it seems likely Moulitsas was not liked by many people, whatever he may say to the contrary notwithstanding.

To complete the thought, I am reminded of the Lion Tamer skit in Monty Python.

As Alex Jones and perhaps others have noted, there was a casting call that went out the day before the Charlottesville violence, for actors to play demonstrators.  The tacit assumption seems to be that they were to cast as Antifa, but why not toothless rednecks waving swastikas? (And he never said they were Jewish, by the way: this is more fake news).

I read too that the police were told to stand down, in what was a more or less open provocation to violence.

So, you have organizers only with effort--and one of the organizers is seemingly a falsely flagged Obama supporter and anti-white racist--get together perhaps up to 200 people willing to march behind white supremacists banners, in a nation of 350 million.  Antifa, so called, routinely gets much more than that.  Even when the Klan actually was marching on their own initiative, they were routinely outnumbered some 5 to 1 by protesters, and violence prevented by responsible, non-politicized policing.

But the Left NEEDS, in an apt metaphor, badness like junkies need their drugs.  They need it obviously to support their propaganda.  This is why so many leftists--and the number is high, something like 10-15 incidents at least which got national attention for a second--felt the need to fabricate hate crimes, so that their own hate would be, could be, justified.

But they were lying, as indeed they are now.  This is why they have transitioned from provoking and fabricating "hate crimes" to calling much of the public history of this nation itself a hate crime.

From the standpoint of provocation, this is much more potentially useful.  Many more people will react to the monuments of their history being destroyed by gangs of thugs and overly eager Democrat appeasers, than would ever commit to symbols of intolerance framed racially.  Thus, they get more white anger, which they can then use in tandem with their media relationships to paint all non-conforming whites as racist.

As with all military histories, though, many in the South are proud of their ancestors who fought and in many cases died for States Rights.  Yes, it is true the proximate issue was slavery, and yes it is true that fighting under the banner of freedom for the right to enslave other humans is hypocritical, but the core issue remains: what is the proper role and power of the Federal Government?  Can States leave?  Does the Federal government have the power, SHOULD it have the power, to tell any or all of us to violate our own moral conscience, under pain of being taken prisoner and held captive?

These are consequential, important questions.  And I will note again that they have never appeared in fully fleshed form before the Supreme Court.  Jefferson Davis was arrested, but never tried, because had he been acquitted, Secession would have been rendered permanently legal, and the invasion of the South by the North the war of imperialistic aggression the South always claimed it to have been.

All of the statues around the country were built to heal wounds, to rebuild a common polity by repatriating important heroes of a very violent, very difficult war.

And virtually all of them were built before 1930 or so.  They were not built in the living memory of virtually anyone, and as Charles Barkley notes he, like everyone else, had not spared a second in his lifetime to think about any of them, until this manufactured tempest in a teacup.  They don't affect his life, or the lives of substantially anyone else, black or white, in any way.

I for my part get, but don't get, the Republicans in particular who have criticized Trump's response.  He did nothing more or less than speak the truth.

In Charlottesville, you have an angry, agitated man surrounded by protesters, some of whom are hitting the back of  his car with sticks or bats.  He panics, hits the accelerator and rams the cars in front of him.  This man then becomes the embodiment of hundreds of millions of people--all non-Communists, if we take the rhetoric of the Left to its logical extent--who don't have one fucking thing in common with him.  These people--the Left--WANTED this outcome.  They provoked him.  They provoked everyone they could.  The Democrat Mayor and Democrat Governor both told all the available police and National Guardsmen to do nothing, to stand down.  This is what I read.

Then literally within a few short days, in Spain we have a car ramming into a crowd, with no provocation, with the sole intent of killing, and the Left really doesn't care.  That was not the act of a Muslim, even though the panicked driver is supposed to stand in for all conservatives.  

Leftism really is a creed of evil and mental illness.  It is to spreading Good what drinking saltwater is to slaking thirst.

Because no authentic good is ever done, the drugs must be administered continually, literally and figuratively, to keep the illusion alive.  That is what the media does, that is what stupid ideas do, that is what the continual evocation of anger does.  These people cannot ever be allowed to unwind, because they might then realize how batshit insane and destructive even to the people they claim to care about they really are.

Friday, August 18, 2017


Word just popped in my head.  I could riff on it, but you do it.  I may do it tomorrow too.


I have encountered demons in my sleep a number of times in recent days.  I haven't mentioned it.  I don't mention everything.

Imagine feeling fully awake but unable to open your eyes, and not even really wanting to open your eyes.  I may have opened my eyes, actually, in the dream.  I can't remember.  If I did, all I would have seen was a black mist.  A malignant spirit enters the room and gets right in your face.  It is a spirit of anger, of hurt, rage, and violence.  It tries repeatedly to enter you.  You can feel the surging energy striking you.

Well, I have learned to mock these things.  I have told them "do your best to kill me", and "fuck you", and I have even learned to laugh at them.  They don't like that at all.  I had a very odd conversation with one of them. I actually calmed it down a bit.

For my part I have always liked the metaphor of standing guard, or holding my place in the line.  I can't know what my destiny is. I can't know what will happen to me.  But I can say that I will do my part until the end.

These are interesting times.  All this hate in the air is exhausting, and I wonder if even the originators of it will tire of it at some point.  The seeming actual appearance of genuine racism was a shot in the arm for them, but not all of them can really be as stupid as they seem.  It has to be a fringe which needs continual reinforcement.

For me, I think these dreams are good.  These feel like actual spirit entities, but they could as well be manifestations of some complex, or some latent psychosis I have cast from my psyche which "wants" back in.  Whatever they are, they are outside now--they may have been a part of my everyday life for a long time--and cannot get in.  They are the spirit of fear, and I do not fear them very much, and soon will not fear them at all.

Thursday, August 17, 2017

I feel better

I was a bit wobbly this morning, but I feel better tonight.  If you did pray for me, thank you.

All the hate in the air is hurting me, I think.  Rather, as I become more aware, it affects me more.

It is surreal, is it not, that most of the hate in this country is being practiced by the very people who claim they oppose hate?

I can't help but think of the other hypocrisy of the religious right of the 1980's, who preached love and did arrogate to themselves the right to label other humans inferior and defective.

In some respects, in some outer morphological respects, the Communist Left (Communist being in their use merely a more honest word for "anti-fascist") does resemble the so-called Moral Majority, but of course they are much, much worse.

They want to be able to tell all of us how to live our lives.  They want into our bedrooms.  They want into our board rooms.  They want to hear everything we say and know everything we do, lest any of us commit thought crimes of any sort.  They are utterly humorless, utterly remorseless, and continually angry.

It is not a pretty picture.

I can't help but think, though, that even though they no doubt convinced many of the usual suspects that Charlottesville was a sign of the connection between white people, Trump, and violence, that most Americans were readily able to see it as a concocted event, their outrage as something much closer to gleeful joy, and their overarching aims something dark, sinister, awful, and terrible.

By their fruits shall you know them.  The fruits of the Left are death, pain, murder, hunger, torture, mass imprisonment, and soul searing horror.

Pray for me

I am slowly remembering that I was once someone else.  I am not angry, nervous, or mean by nature.  These are all reactions to things done to me.  This is as good a time as any to try and remember, and if you believe in it, and are open to it, please pray for me, as I try to find my way back home.

To be clear, I am doing increasingly well, but it is a difficult process, coming out of a deep freeze.  I am realizing, particularly, how mean I have often been.  I won't be changing any of my political views, but I might get to a place where anger and hatred do not motivate me, and where I am capable of recognizing genuine opportunities for teaching--and in some cases learning--and remaining silent where all I am doing is making the world a more unpleasant place, which I have done often enough.

Wednesday, August 16, 2017

Snap, Crackle Pop

I just suddenly got tired of dealing with anger and hate.  Since agitation drives much of what I post, I may post less.  I'm usually lying when I say that, but there has been a large phase shift in me.

Again, it may be this lunar eclipse.  It is a good time to clear out violent, warlike energy, which I have had in spades all my life.  It makes it hard to think clearly.  It is true I can think clearly on some topics, but not on myself, not on who I am, not on how people see me, and what opportunities for connection and happiness I am missing.

Tuesday, August 15, 2017


I cannot resist the idea that the "white supremacists" in Charlottesville were brought there by agents provocateurs.

I read one of the leaders may have been an Obama fan until Trump's election:

True or not, I think the list of leaders needs to be gone through carefully, because I have a strong feeling that this was a concocted event, one intended to create exactly the sort of reaction it has enabled.


It hit me this morning that the core spirit of Buddhism is that there is no one, and no thing, to which you can reliably cling.  There is no one you can absolutely trust to save you, not even the Buddha.  There is no thing which will permanently make you feel better.

On some level, enlightenment is a very basic, primitive process, that of self calming.  Self calming is something all babies ideally learn to do, but which most I suspect never quite manage.  They need a mother.

But when we speak of inner peace, is this not what we are talking about?  Not getting upset by everything, and finding the courage to let go when we do?

I have had some griefs in recent days, and some mild betrayals.  I don't like to speak of my outer life, and I won't here, but I will say that I have been let down many, many times, in many, many ways, by many, many people.  For my part, I try to be loyal and true, but most people are much too preoccupied with their own worries to really register the lives of those around them.

As I ponder this, though, I feel that the logical response is not withdrawal and misanthropy, which are and long have been very natural to me.

What I feel is that with a mature spirit, you can be open to the gifts that God grants, without needing them.  This makes the good a delight, and the bad merely expected.  It is just life.

And I feel how ridiculous it would be to be mad at an apple tree which fails to bear fruit continually year round.  Apple trees are very generous with their fruit, but only at the proper time.  People are like this.  Practices are like this.  Ideas are even like this: understanding takes time to ripen and mature.

My life is not easy.  It is lonely, and I am beset daily with large confusions and strong emotions.

But something is ripening within me, something I chose, something good, and something large.

Sunday, August 13, 2017

A new Inquisition

The energy of the Inquisition is in the air.  Maniacs are trying to make all normal people afraid, afraid of being called out, afraid of being called before a panel of Inquisitors, and not being found guilty, but rather being forced to prove their innocence, when no one present is willing to listen to, much less believe, anything they say.

That this is antithetical to everything good in the world--and certainly what we in the West have worked so hard to build--should not need to be said.

This is insanity.  I would ask "how has it come to this", but of course it has been a long time coming, and the beginning, as I have commented numerous times, was when the distinction between truth and lie, between justice and injustice, was lost at the level of principle.

I have cited this scene a number of times, but now I have found it:

Judgment at Nuremburg.  The relevant part starts about 1:40.

I will leave the obvious conclusion to you. 

The Left versus the decent majority

I really think the Left would love nothing more than to see the rise of an actual racist movement among whites, one which would not have existed without their continual physical, emotional, and rhetorical attacks, so that they can USE that movement--which hitherto they have simply invented, because it was not a substantive reality--to distract people from real issues, like employment, the national debt, the subversion of the rule of law by power elites, the erosion of our Constitution, and American security and stability.

They want to use even a smidgeon of a hint of a whiff of such a movement to claim that ALL Americans are racist and all whites should kneel in shame.

There is no end to the demonic energy of these horrific human beings.  It is tiring. I am surprised genuine Liberals--Trumps electoral base--have withstood their continual violence of all sorts so well so long without striking out.

We are, though, the people who make, deliver, and provide things.  We are the sane ones, the ones with jobs, the ones able to resist ludicrous indoctrination in the worst possible anti-Humanistic ideas and assaults on common decency.

We can endure this, too.  Trump is President.  The people have spoken.  And we will speak again in 2018, to punish Republican liars and traitors, who promised over and over and over to act like Republicans if they won office, and who have failed, and continue to fail, miserably.

No decent human being should ever be forced to deny supporting lunatics.  This is the "have you stopped beating your wife yet" tactic.  It is a horrible, evil strategy, one pursued by monomaniacal power mongers.

Crime and rehabilitation

It hit me this morning that all people in prison for any offense whatsoever should be given access to Neurofeedback sessions.  It would calm them, and help make their imprisonment less traumatic, but more importantly, make them VASTLY less likely to commit the same crimes.

Many, many crimes are in effect the result of a superabundance of emotional pain.  This pain makes it hard to work, hard to think, hard to breathe.  It makes people seek out all forms of relief, in terms of drug and alcohol, but also in terms of violence, which can create moments of release from continual tension.

Armed robbery, rape, assault, car theft (especially by kids), drug use and sale: the list is long of crimes which originate in poor emotional health, itself characterized by chronic tension which that person can find no internal resources to calm.

It is a very worthwhile idea, designing a better society, but no design can proceed from any basis but the generalized individual psychological health of the populace.  "Equality" will do nothing.  It provides no sense of purpose in life, except for the lunatics who have made coercing the rest of us into it--as they define it--their own sole purpose in life.

All useful solutions proceed from the bottom up, from individual people feeling better and doing better.  If we are going to spend $60,000/year or whatever it is keeping people locked up, why not try something which in my view would have a good chance of actually rehabilitating--or, to use the Orwellian word one sees everywhere--"correcting" them.

And the same applies economically as well: a robust, rich economy depends on countless small entrepreneurs, and everyone who puts large numbers of barriers in their way necessarily chooses poverty for those who are not already well to do.

It is likely not overstating the case politically that the Left works intentionally to create and sustain problems in their base, because if the solutions were found, their rhetoric would be shown as empty, and their contributions as negative.  You cannot have a massive and increasingly prosperous middle class--including all ethnic groups--and continue to use the propagandistic weapon of class warfare rhetoric.

When one looks at the social history of the Left, there have been long periods of time where their de facto motto was "FUCK the middle class."

Saturday, August 12, 2017

Giving your life away

I am really feeling that all of us are given a space, a room, to call our own when we are born.  But many of us are driven from it.  It--our core self, our core connection to space and time through our self--becomes unsafe and we become refugees from our natural born homes.  In my own thought, this home is our Kum, our space.  We are who and also where we are, although location per se is beyond the point.

And what I further feel is that when I harbor anger, viciousness, and vindictiveness, I am giving my own life away.  It is evaporating while I am not paying attention.  It is steam rising, carrying away all the good that could have happened.

It is perhaps the case--indeed, I believe it IS the case--that a life spent getting up every day, enjoying it as much as possible, and still never knowing what it is about, or what exactly I am supposed to be doing, so that I guess every day, is STILL a good life.  This is OK.  If life does not come with an instruction manual, it is perhaps because we are born knowing the basics, and that the rest doesn't really matter that much.

It is so easy to fall prey to passions and manias which make everything feel important, when in reality what matters most is subtle, and only found in silence and peace. It is only found, or largely found, in dullness, or what seems like it.

As I'm sure I've mentioned somewhere, I did martial arts of various sorts, one for a good long while, perhaps 7 years, and every practice would begin with the mantra "Every moment contains the potential of Great Enlightenment".

So, I am not saying wisdom is not to be found everywhere, but when we give away our life, we push it away.

I am trying very hard to grow beyond some very significant psychological limitations, and I think making some progress.  This last week has been unbelievably unlucky and odd in some ways.  I literally looked up an astrologer to see if anything unusual was going on, and apparently this lunar eclipse is quite significant in terms of processing latent, unconscious Shadow energy.

I don't know if I believe in all that, but when I had a reading done, it was quite accurate, and very different than what I feel someone could get from cold reading, or guessing generically.  In my own case, my Moon is very important.  It has jumped out at every astrologer who has looked at it.  They look at me funny for a second.  I'm the guy that runs into the burning buildings.  My first encounter with the name Leonidas, many years ago, was in reading about my moon.  And I do like to think I was one of the 300.  Any of them.  They fought the same, and they died the same.  That is a good death.

I may die a good death.  But I may die like the wasp I watched all day today, on the same job site.  It was plainly hurt and unable to fly.  It is possible I watched its last moments, as it crawled into a crack.  I was tempted at first to kill it--actually I tried to run it over with my cart, but missed.  After that, though, I watched it walk around the floor, periodically curl up into a ball in what appeared a spasm of some sort, then keep walking.  I kept an eye on him, and shared a part of my day with him.  He was my only company for much of it. I couldn't help but wonder what it felt like to be a dying wasp, and then what it will be like when it is my turn, whenever that is.

Actually, ponder for a moment how much death happens outside your window each night: the bugs, the worms, the birds, the mice.  Ponder how many fish are eaten by other fish every moment in our oceans.  This is life on planet Earth.  We are all the same in that regard.  We are all destined for dissolution.

I understand a little, I think, why some Indian ascetics inhabit cremation grounds, and why many gods have skulls around their necks.

That's enough wandering for now.  Good night!!!

Follow up

Honest science recognizes that many even apparently simple systems aren't, and that when many confounding factors are in play, in order to test any one specific hypothesis, you need to control for other variables.

With respect to Anthropogenic Global Warming, looking at upper Tropospheric temperatures is really the ONLY way to control for other variables.  Everything else, all warming and cooling, all weather events, all droughts and hurricanes--everything--falls within normal variability.  We know the Earth has been largely covered with ice, and we know it has been free of ice.  Everything in between is thus within normal variability, and EVERYONE INVOLVED KNOWS THIS.

Again, if one looks at nothing other than the methods chosen--unnecessarily unreliable temperature measurements, and treating climate models as established facts--an intelligent person should on this basis alone be able to conclude that the whole thing is fraudulent at its core.

Ignorance, 2017

When I was growing up, ignorance was not knowing State Capitals, or who the President was, or how to solve a quadratic equation.

It occurs to me, though, that the Left--and its many fellow travelers on the right, giving a more contemporary twist on the idea of pinko (we can't go to Purplite, can we? That would be awful)--has managed to define ignorance as disagreement with the dominant themes they are pushing. To think XY means we are dealing with a boy becomes, not stating the obviously scientifically true, but rather ignorance of the idea that gender is constructed.

To question global warming is to betray, not a skeptical, authentically scientific mindset, but ignorance. This, "knowledge" comes to equal conformity, and what used to pass for knowledge--that quaint artifact of hated whiteness called "science"--is equated not just with ignorance, but bigotry.

The whole thing is wholesale lunacy. It is a bag of cats.

How Global Warming should have worked

As I have stated on several occasions, the basic hypothesis of Anthropogenic Global Warming is fairly simple: the burning of fossil fuels, and following release of CO2 into the atmosphere, is likely to cause a quick and environmentally important increase of CO2 concentrations in the upper Troposphere.  It is generally conceded that CO2 plays little role at lower altitudes, where water vapor is the primary "retainer of heat energy", but it is also known that at higher altitudes it is the MAIN retainer of heat energy.

This concentration will lead in rapid order to vast increases in the temperatures in the upper Troposphere, which in turn will radiate downwards to the lower Troposphere, and ground level, causing widespread and rapid warming, which in turn will cause catastrophic weather events, rapid increases in ocean level. and possibly temperatures so high that human life will be difficult if not impossible.

It is a compelling story.  But if you look at the history of the thing, it consists nearly entirely in stories about what WILL happen if we don't act.  2007, I think it was, was going to be the worst hurricane year ever.  This was convenient, since it happened right after Katrina, which many--with absolutely no scientific basis--blamed on Global Warming.  Needless to say, they were wrong.

In the late 1990's, and as late as 2009--in the case of that relentless opportunist Albert Gore, Jr.--we were treated to the spectacle of an end to our current interglacial period, since all the ice on both poles was going to melt, and the Ice Ages would come to an abrupt and final end.  This, too, was wrong.

What SHOULD have happened, if actual science were involved, is that an on-going and well publicized watch should have been kept on the upper Troposphere, to see if there were any signs of rapid warming.  As I have said, the air up there is much thinner, so a LOT of warming is needed there, to have any effect on the much thicker air below.  An adjunct to this might have been watching the stratosphere, since rapid cooling is also part of the hypothesis, the idea being that if more heat is trapped lower down, the upper reaches of our atmosphere ought to cool rapidly as well.

I cannot emphasize enough that this whole thing really is a scientifically formatted hypothesis, one which makes clear predictions, which are reliably testable through reliable observations.

And this hypothesis has been falsified.  It is wrong.  There is indeed some warming in the upper Troposphere, and some cooling in the Stratosphere, but not nearly enough.

Irrespective of the "he said, she said" of the methods of the land based temperature gathering, THIS DATA SHOULD NOT BE GATHERED AT ALL.  We know that the Earth heats up and cools down for a variety of reasons, some of which we clearly don't understand.  That the people at the center of this fraud continue to use very questionable methods--ones fully unrelated and superfluous to the core hypothesis--should tell us all we need to know: they are trying to create an outcome which is unsupported in the place--the upper Troposphere--which really matters.

I am gratified to see Trump pull us out of the Paris Treaty, but I continue to wonder how the rest of the world is so fucking stupid.

Psychologically, many factors are likely at play.  I see often, for example, the claim that "even if they are wrong, humans are still destroying the Earth".  This may be true, but this claim needs to be debated on its own merits.  And in what respect should any sane person be willing to trust their freedom and well-being to a group of people who have already demonstrated a willingness to use the Big Lie to get what they want?

More commonly and likely, I think many people have an emotional commitment to this idea.  They see global peace and unity and goodwill coming from our shared efforts to combat a global threat.  On some level, they overcomplicate everything, to hide the failure of the idea.

I don't doubt there are many honest people involved in this, even if they are deluded.

But We the People need to start insisting that these assholes, who suck up so much money from the global economy, stop, shut up, and go home.

Yes, by all means keep an eye on atmospheric temperatures, but the gig is up.

Did you know 25% of all human CO2 production has happened since 2000, in an era, where the only net warming is happening in cooked land-based temperature models?  The poles are doing fine.

This idea needs to die.

Friday, August 11, 2017


I was pondering some things from my childhood I won't go into here, and the acronym FIST came to me.  It is SIFT rearranged. Yes, there was anger, but that was not the interesting part of it.

I felt something, and went into it.  Then an image appeared, which was followed by sensations, then the thought "oh, so that is what happened."

As it is usually used, most psychological introspection ends in a thought, because in psychotherapy, particularly, you need to be able to speak what you find, but this is equally true for diaries.

What I have found for myself is that sometimes I will feel a process going.  I don't know what it relates to, where it is coming from, or where it is going.  Its entirety consists in "that".  Quite often, I will just let these things play out, hoping that whatever was going on, will be beneficial in the end.  I think this is a good strategy.

True, pure attention is wordless.  Experience is wordless.  We lessen ourselves, I feel, when we feel a compulsive need to communicate even with ourselves in diaries.


One of the ways of dealing with the animal anxieties of life is to simply pretend that one is a recipient, that one plays no active role in what happens, and that certain things are just destiny.  It liberates one from worrying, at least potentially, because worry is an active effort to plan and sculpt the future.  If the future is "written" (Maktub), as many Muslims believe, then there is no point in worry, because there is no point in planning, because things are beyond ones control.

This is in some respects an attractive option.  When I was posting on the squirrel and the beetle, this is roughly what was in my mind.  What will be, will be.  I actually saw a bird yesterday in a job site, which had flown in, and was frantically trying to find an open window.  But the only open windows were on the ground floor, and it kept flying up.  It is likely dead now, unless it was able to detect moving air current from the outside.

And I watched Dunkirk tonight, and thought the same thing.  If you read about the stages of what I will call combat fatigue, in nearly everyone there is a growing apathy and lassitude over time.  The prospect of death loses much of its terror, and most wind up repeating what is likely a very old theme: "when it's your time, it's your time."

Where am I going with this?  Well, somewhere political.  It's what I do, much too much.

If the creed of true Liberalism is "character is destiny", then the creed of its retarded substitute is "birth is destiny".  If you are born white, you cannot redeem yourself, ever, fully.

And think even of Marxist ideas about historical necessity, about the machine-like and automatic, unavoidable "progressions" (which constitute progress because they tell us they constitute progress, even if misery and enslavement is all anyone else can see) of "History".

What do they do?  They eliminate the need for individual judgement, for individual moral initiative, for worry related to getting things right, rather than very, very wrong.

Such fatalisms serve the role of traditional religions.  They render the individual irrelevant, moot, and ultimately helpless.  This is why people cling so fervently to these horrific ideologies, because losing them would mean losing their primary means of self calming, and unleash absolutely unbearable--for them--anxiety and sadness.

True moral and psychological growth consists, I am persuaded at the moment, both in a decrease in self importance, such that the vagaries of the universe do not come to seem personal, and such that one does not expect to get through life without worry, toil, sadness, grief, loneliness and genuine trouble, but also an increase both in perception and in response-ability, such that one can see better what can be controlled, and what cannot, and make active preparations for the former, and to let go the latter.

Thursday, August 10, 2017

The spiritual question

How does one wed authentic passion with daily focussed discipline?

Congress and North Korea

To my mind, striking North Korea has to be authorized by Congress. Such a war could unleash a Pandora's box of disasters, and so requires the assent by both law and common sense of a sizeable chunk of our elected leaders.

At the same time, the more warning we give Kim, the worse it gets. This is obvious.

I have proposed before and will propose again that Trump get the verbal assent of enough leaders to pass muster, plus perhaps a few more in case. A highly secure app can be assigned to each of these people, and if and when he decides it's time he can broadcast a go/no go to substitute for the substance of an actual vote. Self evidently, not every member of Congress need be consulted. Many of them would betray us and the interests of civilization instantly and with considerable self satisfaction.

The problem with sanctions, which are really the only means of diplomacy, short of China kicking Kim in the balls and telling to straighten up and fly right, is that they only cause suffering and pain for ordinary people. They don't affect Kim. They don't affect most of the military or Party leaders. They never worked on Cuba. Given sufficient ruthlessness and amorality, no amount of pain and suffering can have the least effect.

Conversely, the only military way to limit damages to South Korea, Japan, and here, is to dictate the rules of the engagement as fully as possible by choosing the times and places.

I don't want war with North Korea. It will be horrible. But I also don't want to have nuclear weapon we could have prevented detonating anywhere in this country.

Wednesday, August 9, 2017

Firing Mueller

I keep reading that firing Mueller will provoke a "crisis".

I would ask a simple question: what the guck are we in now?? Half of Trumps staff is actively sabotaging him, including, apparently, McMaster.  News agencies are calling for his impeachment for anything (charges? We dont need no stinking charges). His ability to govern is severely compromised.

And if folks want to call it a "Constitutional" crisis if he fires Mueller, I would ask how? Why? Where does the illegally appointed, seemingly partisan Independent Prosecutor (Special, whatever it is) show up in the Constitution? Where does the right of bureaucrats to shit on the expressed will of the people show up?

Put practically, how much worse can it get than daily calls for Trumps assassination and impeachment?

Some Gordian Knots are best dealt with quickly and decisively and unapologetically.

Letting go of anger

I am slowly releasing my anger, and it hit me this morning that what I will miss is the feeling of power that it gave me.  It is a constant energy surge, even if it is one which is also exhausting.  It feels like it creates a barrier between me and those who would hurt me.

But I also feel that it is not a foundation for a life.  It is living in the clouds, in an undifferentiated and constantly moving space where you can never feel at home.  There is no texture, no interesting color, merely a relentless monotony.

And I felt that a stable personality must be built brick by brick, patiently, as a workman.  You can build a home, a place to feel safe, a place to live and feel comfort, but not through what destroys it.

I think the image of Jesus as a carpenter is apposite here, since what he preached was building a structure, a skeleton, upon which could be placed a roof, and beneath and within which one could live.

Tuesday, August 8, 2017


I was doing Neurofeedback this morning and it hit me that hate is how we protect ourselves from love.  You hate people you are tempted to love, but who, for whatever reason, you have to push away.  It is a tool for self protection.

We cannot choose our passions.  We can merely redirect them.

The madman

Many years ago I had a dream where I was attacked by a madman, who escaped into this endless series of stairs, going in all directions, including up and down.  I got lost quickly.

I was thinking about this tonight. Often life is confusing, and it can feel like it is closing in on us, while simultaneously bewildering us.  Me.  I statement.

There were several elements in my meditation.  I am working downtown in the Big City, and had to park on the top floor of a parking garage.  When I arrived, a squirrel was there, somehow.  He looked hungry.  I wondered about his prospects, but figured garbage at least would keep him alive for a while.

When I left, there was a fat beetle next to my car.  It looked near dead.  I figured it perhaps got caught in an updraft, then lost the ability to fly through hunger.  It is likely dead by now.

I will offer one other element.  My tendency towards Buddhist beliefs notwithstanding, I continue to choose to eat meat.  And it hit me one day that this is an ideal time and method for meditating on death.  I can ponder the life and last moments of the turkey, or the cow, or the chicken.  They did not want to die.  They felt fear.

And I do not want to die.  I feel fear.  But I think we have to practice dying to really focus on living.

And then I thought about this obsessive quality people get when they meditate too much on death, and on the need to "live".  They have to climb every mountain, consume every experience.  This confuses me.  You can't do everything, and it all ends in death anyway.  The most clever fellow, the most adventurous, lucky, intrepid man or woman who ever lived, is dead or one day will be.

All of us to some extent are like the beetle, or the squirrel.  We make decisions, and sometimes they are the wrong ones.  It may be that I make a mistake some day that kills me.  This is not what I want, but much of life is beyond our control.  We do our best, but sometimes we are still wrong.  Perhaps we are momentarily or temperamentally stupid.  Perhaps we are unlucky.

Do we go left, or do we go right?

So, returning to my dream, it hit me tonight that EXPANSION is always the correct direction.  The madness and the constriction and the confusion are all of a piece.

This is a fundamental Kum Nye tenet, that when our energy is flowing properly, an innate wisdom and an innate pleasure in life emerge spontaneously.  They are our natural gifts, but we have forgotten them.

So I think I don't want to climb every mountain. I  don't want to consume life.  I want to learn how to watch trees swaying in the wind with greater and greater pleasure.  I want to be more and more fascinated by the quality of light in the day, and the moon at night.

I am that squirrel.  I am that beetle.  I am the meat I ate today.  They lived for a time, and then they died.

This is really the balancing act of life: remembering impermanence, but relishing every moment.

And I'm going to make another point I had intended for another post. I  just worked a really long day, but a flood of ideas just hit me that I'm going to post while I wait for the wine and melatonin to take effect.

Every time you hit an emotion you can't process, you separate.  I feel this.  I am slowly reversing the process, by reinhabiting the emotional places I was driven from so many years ago.  It literally just hit me today some of the ways I am EXACTLY like my father.  It is so obvious, now.  I feel it.

And to take that specific case, I find I have a penchant for cruelty.  I really feel this.  This is what I am feeding when I go out and find people to argue with.  It's a step up from barfighting, or finding a masochistic woman to abuse, but this is the reason I can understand Sade (up to a point, I think).

Yesterday, I was feeling tired and frustrated for several reasons, so I went to an old go-to: I got in a Global Warming "debate" with someone I knew had no ability, much less interest, in listening to what I had to say.

Now, my ideas in my view are solid, but this need to argue is directly related to a primary means by which I deflect negative emotions which would otherwise bedevil me.

Specifically, I BECOME SOMEONE ELSE when I go into arguing mode, one not connected spontaneously and on an on-going basis with my emotional energy.  I separate into two.

And I feel this happens to all of us on many levels.  The process of self deception is so well developed in all of us that we fail to see it.

I was watching this woman walk along a long, busy road this morning, who was nowhere near anything.  She wasn't going to a bus station, so she must have been walking to work, or somewhere.   She had a bag.

Now, I have been, roughly, this person.  And what do you do?  You rationalize the situation.  You say "It isn't so bad".  You say you like walking.  It's a nice morning.  Etc.

What you do is you become someone other than the psychologically normal person who would object to this situation.  This is what women (and let's be honest, no small number of men) who are in bad relationships do.  This is what all people who are confused do.

So, returning to Buddhism as I tend to do, when the Buddha says "No Self", what he likely meant was "Who you really are, you have never met."  and "who you think you are, is the result of a long series of lies you had to tell yourself at one time."

How many of us can honestly say we can stay deeply connected to our inner world on an on-going basis?  We react habitually and call it honest.  We find an emotion of some sort, and call it profound.  But what is behind all this?  What is left when nothing we know is left?  Who is in the Void with you, and who are you in the Void?

I don't know why, but this last question made me laugh.  I don't understand myself, but I am sure as hell trying.  If living well is expanding, and the key to expanding is self knowledge, then I am doing my best to live well.

Getting Even

It occurs to me that the creed of Egalitarianism is literally and figuratively that of "getting even".

It is a creed of revenge, based on putative wrongs.  It exists as a system to manufacture those wrongs out of the fertile nature of human life, in which no two people are ever born alike.

Self evidently, all one needs to manufacture anger, rage, and following self righteousness, is to stipulate that the world should be other than it is, and to demand that it meet your expectations immediately and fully.  It is a sure fire and short route to the FEELING of empowerment, and moral superiority, and an a priori rationalization of any crimes one is anticipating committing.

To commit evil directly, all one need do is fault God for his creation, and then abolish Him through atheism, as Sade did. Alternatively, one can simply assert that God is the Devil, and the Devil represents the work of this world.

All of this is related.

And in my own life, I feel this energy.  I have been objectively wronged this week by several people.  But it is a measure of my progress that I am getting better and better at just letting things drop. Yes, sometimes we all need to fight.  Yes, sometimes we all need to express rage and anger.

But none of this is healthy long term.  It is a coffin, a prison, a darkening.

Saturday, August 5, 2017


What would it take, for any of us, to make of disciplined work an expression of joy?

I am trying very hard now to understand time, and how I am supposed to relate to it.  I may have more to say (the bet that I will have more to say is always a good bet), but who knows.  I will leave that question there.


If Trump has to be treated to reading the contents of private telephone calls made from the Oval Office in a local newspaper, how on Earth can he deal with things like North Korea, where secrecy might literally make the difference between success and failure, between the death of millions, and peace?

I literally, from the bottom of my feet to the top of my head, do not get the arrogance and moral detachment necessary to be someone like Jeff Bezos.  I don't know what he endured in childhood, I don't know if he was an only, a lonely, or an adopted child, but he is sick in the head, and he has a lot of company.

I dream of better human beings.  He dreams of better machines.  That is the difference.  Any improvement that comes from the outside, is no improvement at all.  It is an intrusion.

And as I ponder this, there really is a functional analogy between using machines to "improve" human consciousness, and using government to "improve" human society.  Both are extrinsic to basic consciousness, and both must be understood in terms of force.  Life does not own the death of a machine. The death of the machine owns life.  I see no other possibility.

Put another way, spiritualists point out the obvious fact that our bodies are in some respects machines, but they are machines within which consciousness manifests.  Improving the machine does nothing to improve the quality of the perceptions that matter.  It does not matter how fast you can solve a differential equation, spiritually.  What matters is your capacity to love and to expand.  There is nothing any of these tech midgets are producing which will enable us to do that directly.

As I have said, I am not a technophobe, but to the extent I embrace things like Neurofeedback, it is because we are collectively batshit insane, and this is a needed tool in helping to reconstitute basic humanity, which is increasingly rare.

FBI, another story

If Elliot Ness was untouchable, James Comey seems to have needed regular caresses.

Fuck these people.  Fuck these self important, self righteous, morally hideous assholes.


His "reputation"--and keep in mind, the vast bulk of America's 350 million people--or whatever it is--have no personal knowledge of the man at all, so this is quite possibly itself manufactured for public consumption--notwithstanding--Robert Mueller's willingness to take on a case intimately connected to the firing of a good friend, when the Attorney General himself recused himself on much flimsier and less weighty grounds, indicates he is not a stand up guy.  This applies even in the highly unlikely event that he is doing substantive things, like verify that Seth Rich really was the leaker, which the FBI, I read, has known since roughly May of last year.

In turn, James Comey, in addition to all the partisan bullshit he did (today's headline:  ) should have dropped the "Russian interference" investigation as soon as he knew that Russia did not hack John Podesta, as that is the only credible claim that was ever even made.  The rest was a series of scandalous allegations that would have fit for the Weekly World News, but not even the National Enquirer.  This, by the guys in well tailored suits, with tough faces, who inherited the work of deserving to be worthy of being thought of as Untouchable.

So, we really have to ask: how corrupt IS the FBI?  So I look up Robert Mueller, and lo and behold, he was sworn in on September 4, 2001, exactly one week before 9/11.

As I have pointed out often--I really don't think I need to use the word "argued", since there really can be no discussion among those familiar with the evidence, in my considered opinion--the September 11 attacks involved a much larger conspiracy than just the hijackers and Osama Bin Laden.  First and foremost, the FBI would have been responsible for discovering and revealing this.  They failed spectacularly.  To note perhaps the most spectacular failure, no test was ever done for explosive residue, despite the utterly unprecedented nature of ONE, much less THREE, skyscrapers falling at freefall velocity into their own footprint.

But there are many, many examples of near certain cover-ups, as I have pointed out from time to time.

For example, the explosion of Flight 800 over Long Island:

The death of JFK, Jr.  I can't take the time to find a good link, but there exists a good documentary out there which points out that the weather was not bad, and that numerous witnesses reported hearing an explosion, and seeing a fireball, and that, as with the Flight 800 explosion, the FBI quickly took control of the investigation, then pushed out some bullshit after a suitable amount of time.

The Oklahoma City bombing.  All the video footage disappeared.  Bomb damage experts claim that a surface explosion could not have caused that damage.  Here is a link to a former Air Force General Ben Partin:

I have posted on him from time to time.  As he notes, he knew within a couple hours somebody was lying.  His professional specialty was both measuring and predicting bomb damage.  That was his job in the Air Force, so literally no one could be better qualified to call bullshit than this guy.

And the FBI, in the course of the investigation, seems to have tortured a man to death.

This is a short list.  I need to get to work.

But we have to contemplate seriously the notion that this agency is TRULY corrupt.  That they are not just playing partisan politics, not just protecting political allies, but that they are complicit at high levels, and have been for at least 3 decades or so, in covering up political murders, and staged or accidental (which is a possibility in Oklahoma City) mass events which had major political consequences.

Trump needs to take this idea seriously.  He needs to develop a plan to investigate the FBI itself, what it knows, what it is covering up, how a culture of contempt for the law has been allowed to evolve and flourish, and most of all he needs to figure out how to root out the corruption.

What Trump has on his hands is massive.  If he were an average person, I would say it is overwhelming.  But he has shown time and again an agility, a tenacity, and a will to win which could quite possibly carry him to the important victories we need in protecting the American people--and the world, because as goes America, so goes the world--from our own government.

Ponder the immensity of the possibility that both the CIA and FBI have become de facto agents of the Globalists.  If Trump were not in office, I would despair, but I take hope both in the fact that he is, and that the American people, in sufficient numbers, were awake enough to put him there.  Both are good signs.

Friday, August 4, 2017

Why do the right thing?

I think morality in the face of difficulty is an act of beauty.  I think doing the right thing, when it is hard, is an act of beauty.  It is painting something memorable, something moving, something mythic, on the canvas of your life.

And even cultivating beauty when it is easy is worthwhile.  We are all wild animals.  All we have to do to become angels is remember this, and remember at the same time that we are human beings.  The collision does the rest.

Thursday, August 3, 2017

The Trump Presidency

If I'm honest, I really have no idea what the list of realistic options looks like for Trump.  I will simply comment that it is absolutely beyond question that, had we not put him in office, we NEVER would have been able to see so CLEARLY the corruption in Washington, the back stabbing, the treachery, the disloyalty to the American PEOPLE, to our laws, to our history, to our future and that of our children.  It is on both sides of the aisle, extends deep into all our agencies, and is well funded and supported by elites completely indifferent to what is good for America.

Early on, very early on, I cited Lincoln's comment on Grant: "HE FIGHTS".  This is what Trump does.  He actually seems to like it, up to a point.  As a strategist myself, in my own life, I have OFTEN been guilty of impatience, likely most of the time, even now.  It is not a conspicuous virtue of mine, to put it charitably.

But I want to say publicly that I remain very bullish on Trump, continue to believe whole heartedly that he wants what is best for America as he sees it, that this cannot be said of most of Congress, or most of our massive Federal bureaucracy, and that our best hope of avoiding the de facto takeover of our nation by shadow elites armed with technology which was overwhelming fifteen years, and of a presumably exponentially more powerful character now, is for him to continue castrating and sending out to pasture all the thousands of people who mean him, and the American way of life, ill.

Being President is no small thing.  The intent of his enemies is to shrink him into a small defensive perimeter, but who wants to hide in a bunker?  He has many, many tools at his disposal.

For my part, I wonder if firing Rod Rosenstein for failing to fire Mueller for his patent conflict of interest might be a start.  I wonder if entire divisions of the Justice Department can be terminated.

There has never been any evidence the President broke any laws, yet a long term investigation has been launched.  That should concern anyone HONESTLY concerned with our Republic, its laws, its principles, and its traditions greatly.. The patently politicization of the intelligence agencies, itself, should warrant an FBI or other investigation.  They are not allowed to operate on US soil.  Who prosecutes them if they do?  This is a very relevant question, because they did, and likely continue to do so.

This whole thing is unbelievable.  It is as bad or worse than any of us imagined.  The extent of the moral deviancy is astonishing.  Seemingly no one wants to do their job honestly any more.

For his part, Mueller has sealed his fate as a partisan hack, in my eyes, unless he turns an utterly unexpected corner.  What I expect is that he will begin to subpoena Trump's financial records, and dare him to pick him off.  He is playing a game of chicken, self evidently, and appointing the Grand Jury is designed to make it harder to fire him.

What I would note is that no matter WHAT Trump does, there will be an ocean of outrage.  At some times, you have to take large risks.  He knows this better than anyone.  A very large number of us can see exactly what is happening.

Wednesday, August 2, 2017


You know, I'm often posting while running from one task to another.

It just hit me how ironic it is that I am using the example of the Soviets to exonerate the Russians and condemn the Americans.

With the passage of time, everything becomes everything else.  We have been on our way to a fascist autocracy for some time.  Who knows: perhaps the Russians are on their way to a new Enlightenment.

The Chinese

I want to emphasize, without having time to ponder more, one point I just made: what if the Chinese are covertly behind the anti-Russian narrative?  Nobody is talking about the Chinese.  They are a massive nation, but one in which its people hate its government, which has last I read, hundreds of thousands of protests every year, suppressed by force.  Which depends entirely on exports, and which even with those is not thriving economically.

Much of this requires much more knowledge than I have or am equipped to acquire for some time.

But always remember all the players, particularly when one of them is not playing any VISIBLE role.

The Saudis, of course, are another player.  They donated some $200 million to Hillary's campaign, or so I read.  That is a lot of money.  And that is the VISIBLE money.

The power of propaganda

It is worth reiterating that the Soviets, according to reports I read--and I want to say the best source was the highest ranking member of the Soviet bloc intelligence committee ever to defect, Ion Pacepa--spent FOUR TIMES as much money spreading lies, planting concocted rumors, and funding anti-Liberal "intellectuals", as they did in the actual cloak and dagger, Cold War business of spycrafting.

This money paid off, obviously, although not in time to prevent the fall of the terror state which sponsored it.  Human stupidity, as Einstein quipped, is in addition to the universe the only thing which is infinite.  People pay to listen to Michael Moore.  Howard Zinn's book still has legs.  I still see the name of Noam Chomsky to this very day, when he should be hiding in shame at the atrocities he has supported.  What else does one need to know?

Be that as it may, we exist in an era where the very "disinformatsiya" methods which the Soviets perfected are being used by OUR OWN intelligence agencies--which were in large measure founded to COMBAT Communism--AGAINST US.

Consider the Russian sanctions.  What did the Russians do?  Nothing, as far as I can tell.  They were the targets of a very conscious disinformation campaign launched by our intelligence agencies.  What was the actual reason people believe the Russians interfered in our election (more than, say, the DHS, which reportedly tried to hack the actual voting machines in Georgia)?  BECAUSE OUR INTELLIGENCE AGENCIES TELL US SO.

And so they plant this rumor, then get policy enacted--sanctions--based upon it.  This, in turn, damages our relations with Russia, TO NO BENEFIT FOR THE UNITED STATES.

As I keep saying, somebody in the Deep State--many of whose members, obviously, are not in the government at all, but are rather utterly evil, utterly morally bankrupt individuals who seek the consolidation of their quiet and invisible power--wants Russia to be disenfranchised.  I see claims that Putin alone among world powers keeps resisting the Globalists.  This is as good an explanation as any.  The Chinese certainly seem to be cooperating, and perhaps quietly funding and supporting in many ways much of this activity.  That, actually, would be another good explanation.

Be all that as it may, we have got to get people who are not interested in the well being and prosperity of America first and foremost out of their jobs, out of the private sector, and retired to places where we can keep an eye on them.  Jail would be a great first choice, but forced de facto house arrest would be fine too.

Tuesday, August 1, 2017

Deep State

Here, Seymour Hersh asserts that the FBI has known for over a year that Seth Rich was who leaked John Podesta's emails.  They apparently found correspondence between him and Julian Assange.  He apparently initially asked for money, which he did not get, seemingly.

In spite of this knowledge, Mueller's pal James Comey still pursued a criminal investigation of Trump--but not of Hillary, not when they followed no standard procedures, and offered no charges even for crimes they found evidence she clearly committed--based on nonexistent evidence.  It was this investigation, itself, which should never have been started, which enabled Mueller to get appointed when Comey got shit canned, as he richly deserved.

Hersh also states what should be obvious by now: our intelligence agencies consciously and with anti-democratic intent engaged in a systematic disinformation campaign, along Soviet lines, intended initially to damage Trump, and then to create the opening for Mueller to step in and further in their absence the planned coup against Trump.  They are literally using tools developed to destabilize foreign regimes in our own country.  They were eavesdropping on Trump the candidate, Trump the President-elect, and for all we know Trump the President, and using that information to destabilize him, to create propaganda against him, and are now fishing for something, anything, with which they could bring about criminal charges.

This is not the action of an agency which honestly represents the people.  They are not seeking truth or justice, and are certainly not giving a shit about the law.  All of this is in support of a partisan agenda which has as its aim the increase in their own power and wealth, and the corresponding decrease in freedom and well being for the rest of us.

Self evidently, there are LAWS against our intelligence agencies operating domestically, and certainly laws against our internal police having political ambitions, and playing a direct role in our political process.  If one studies, say, Roman history, when the Pretorian Guard gets too much power, even the pretense of democracy is over.  They become king-makers, and no would be king dare defy them.  That the king makers would hide in the shadows, but wield vast power covertly, is really something close to the substance of history, but it could and has been made much worse by the power of technology.

It is in my view literally the case that hundreds of people SHOULD go to jail, even though it will be a snowy day in July in Arizona before that happens.

But who knows?  Trump has balls.  We will find out eventually how big.

Monday, July 31, 2017

Assumed versus natural goodness

It seems to me that authentic spirituality consists in finding and expressing a connection to the Godhead, to the Great Spirit.  It consists in moving in, moving forward, in embracing and accepting.

But evil and goodness flow from roughly the same place, which depends on the myth with which we approach the world at a very, very, very fundamental level.  Evil is nothing more or less than rejecting life.  It consists in nothing more or less than pushing away, avoiding, hating.

There is a push and pull at the heart of all of us, and the process of releasing freedom, of releasing Goodness, is one of allowing movement at the very core of our being, and necessarily this involves connecting with our potential for evil, for rejection, for moving back in fear, attacking, hating, isolating oneself at the core.

Evil has a texture, a feeling.  So too does Goodness.  And until you can sense these textures, feel them deeply, understand them, and WORK with them like clay, you have not touched authentic Goodness, what the Tibetans call Windhorse.

What most people call goodness is assumed goodness, and Lord knows this is what Christianity has acted to broaden and reward over its history.  Assumed goodness, of course, is doing the things "good" people do.  It can even include teaching yourself to believe that you feel all the right things at the right times.  If you cannot convince yourself of the truth of your lie, you see, within Christianity you can feel little but terror if you also lack the psychological wisdom to get beyond what bedevils you.

Now, most psychologically healthy people are basically good, in truth.  They do not feel the tremors and confusions, and irrational angers of people who have been traumatized.  So for them something like Christianity can act as a useful aid in pursuing what become in most respects honestly good lives.

But the process of assuming goodness can also, of course, create evil, which is the point I am trying to make here.  When you need to believe you are good, then you hide your darkness, your Shadow, as Jung put it, from yourself.  No person can become spiritual without growing to know and deal with this evil.

I think of Rouseau's "Noble Savage", who it turned out was from a tribe of warlike cannibals.  Such people did not need to assume goodness, because for them it was not a religious duty.  They had things they had to do to remain a member of their group, but false piety was not one of those things, and in the course of their lives, they had frequent occasion to express hatred, rage, and violence directly without remorse.

So one could say that such people are not good, per se, in that they are seemingly not expressing the infinite love of God, but they are also not hypocrites.

We know enough, I think, as a species, to figure out how to live in peace with one another.  But honesty comes all too hard to far too  many people, whose comforting illusions they find congenial, and which they give up only under the most extreme duress.

Sunday, July 30, 2017

Bread around the world

I was thinking about it this morning, and for most of human history, there were no packets of instant yeast.  Logically, they would have had to use either a sourdough starter, yeast from the air, or no fermentation at all.

Even simple foods like Indian chapatis can be fermented if they are simply allowed to rise for a time, after being exposed to the natural yeasts that are everywhere.

And I look up studies, and come up with, as one example, this one:

The presence of phytic acid and gluten are two of the arguments used against bread consumption.  Gluten, too, seems to be predigested in most fermentation processes, which is what sourdough leavening is.

I have long made the self evident point that if bread were really that bad for you, it would not have become a staple in so many places. (and, obviously, the poor health of people who lived ONLY, or even mainly, on bread cannot be used as a valid argument, since anyone living ONLY on bread is going to be malnourished).

We take so much of what we do for granted.  We take our bread, to take the present example, for granted.  We assume that sanitized and industrialized yeast is how "bread is made".  But this is an invention of the past century, or perhaps the 19th at the latest.

It is odd to ponder how we are rediscovering the wisdom of our parents and those who went before them.  Coleslaw and potato salad--cruciferous vegetables, and resistant starch, which is in effect a prebiotic.  Resistant starch passes through the small intestine relatively intact, and then feeds the bacteria of the large intestine.

Pickles: probiotics.  Same with yogurt, kefir, and other such foods, which also protect the immune system.

Saturday, July 29, 2017

This is quite an interesting story

An uneducated man channels a deceased surgeon, and achieves such outstanding results he is in demand in many countries, and vetted by professionals with no other skin in the game but a concern for the truth.

I think on some slow news day Donald Trump should announce he is channeling all the money allocated for some boondoggle or other--for example, the money allocated to studying "global warming", which continues despite an utter lack of evidence--to afterlife and psi research.

It would piss off millions.  It would be considered ludicrous by all the people who don't matter.

But what better way, from a very long term strategic standpoint, to get us all back moving in the same direction, concerned not about slavish compliance with a fascist ideology--or fighting said ideology with poor tools--but about our common destiny as humans, than to demonstrate conclusively that we are all connected, that we do not die, and that all of these can be verified via the honest and dispassionate use of the scientific method?

Friday, July 28, 2017


I wrote the following last night.  Then I looked up Scaramucci, and saw he was an investment banker, an early Hillary supporter, and a member of the Import-Export Bank.  I haven't read up on that particular bank, but I'm not a fan of banking in general, so I'm pretty sure I won't be happy.

So I'm like, FUCK.  What do I do?  It is almost like events are continuing to transpire without me.  It is in fact EXACTLY like that, despite the irrational feeling I share with so many others that typing endlessly and emoting on the internet somehow constitutes productive activity.

So, hell, some of this is not bad.  I may back off politics for a minute, though.  I don't know what I don't know, and frankly should be focused on things I CAN control.

I LIKE this guy!!!  I saw that quote on CNN in the bar where I was eating, and thought "this is what we need."

Now, I don't know where he comes from.  I have not followed the story in detail.  But it seems obvious to me that he thought he was more or less having a private conversation with a fellow mensch over a few beers.  Who lets their guard down like that?  HONEST people.  People who are used to speaking the truth, and how forget how fucking slimy so many people can be, like reporters who say "you can trust me."

Here is the thing: you cannot play defense with the Left.  You can only play offense.  You have to attack them as often as they attack you.  This means that it is far less important that Trump and those around him avoid making mistakes than that they play continual offense. Mistakes are forgotten, and really don't stand out all that much from the overall background of continual hissing and screaming.

Obviously, it doesn't MATTER what Trump does.  Today, an obviously tired Trump failed to see a little boy 18" off the ground, and failed to shake his hand.  The internet explodes, as if Trump has some sort of personal vendetta against handicapped kids.  They spin what can be spun, focus entirely an any small real negatives, avoid assiduously any positives, and where necessary they make shit up.  This is the game. [edit: it later came out that he actually paid considerable attention to this kid when he first walked in, which was omitted from the propaganda, which, as I said, they make up when needed to keep the pounding going.]

And Trump is fucking with their minds.  I was wondering when he announced this ban on transgenders if he had that on a list of news changing possibilities.  Ponder it.  He can alter the news cycle whenever he wants, just by Tweeting--Tweeting pisses people off the most, you see--something he knows will make heads explode.  He may have another 5-10 such announcements he is sitting on, waiting for the right time.

He is clearly beleaguered, but he seems to be slowly cleaning house.  Because obviously my advice is highly sought after the world over, I thought I might comment that Trump, in addition to dealing with the daily emergencies, needs to set aside regular time for strategic planning, like where he wants to be in two years.  It would be very easy to enter a siege mentality.  Play defense as needed, but plan offense.

To my mind, a complete failure to do anything with Obamacare is actually better than a token, half assed effort, that would have allowed Republicans to drop the matter, as if they had kept their promises.  It is quite possible we can either toss out some RINO's, and/or toss out yet more Democrats in 2018.  I see no signs of traction by the Democrats, and it seems most likely they are digging their hole deeper. They have NOTHING which anybody wants at this point.

Egalitarians never are

Egalitarianism is s moral ideology. Precisely to the extent it is imposed by force, it relies INHERENTLY on notions of social and moral INequality.

Consider the case of Charlie Gard and his parents. They are victims of unequal egalitarianism. On the one side, the British government considered it outré for some pleb to seek care elsewhere, even if it cost them nothing, even if it cost a child his life. They can't have plebs looking elsewhere for salvation, you see.

But had it been a royal baby, or even the child of any of British royalty, or even the mundane rich, they would not have needed to ask a court if they could please have their child back so they could save its life. They would have just booked a plane flight.

It is both utterly abhorrent, and an inextricable element to Socialist logic that they would both 1) claim sole dominion over the child and 2) do NOTHING that was in either the child's or the parents interests. This is lunacy.

It remains an astonishing fact to me that the same people who cannot trust their fellow humans when they are running corporations--which exist to provide needed material goods and services at prices made fair by the free market--are quite willing to throw caution to the winds where government is concerned, and entrust their lives, freedom and worldly goods to people born the same way as everyone else, possessed of the same instincts as everyone else, and who--as the institution of government understood abstractly--are responsible for the overwhelming g majority of conflict and human suffering for all of recorded history.

Thursday, July 27, 2017

Political correctness

the core idea is that what constitutes good manners is mutable, and that what was sufficient ten years ago--for example when nobody was talking about allowing transgenders in the military, much less paying to cut their balls off or enlarge their clitoris--is now forbidden.

People who want to stay au courant learn to be careful what they say, and take care never to express an opinion prior to finding out what the group opinion is.

And here is the insidious part: everyone learns to be AFRAID of offending people who quickly learn that acting offended gets them power.

This means not just that victim groups use this system of structural social intimidation and bullying, but that aspiring social architects--aspiring fascists, to be clear--have every reason to make fear of non-conformity--which is to say,conformity to an era they declare as gone--a universal. You build malleable, weak willed, Other Directed people using this tool of ubiquitous, inescapable, and subtle terror.

It would not be greatly overstating the case to say that subtle Leftists have substituted organized social ostracism for the guillotine. Their ideas are no less corrosive and their aims no less radical. But they have adopted George Betnard Shaws fascism with good manners and good taste.

Edit: what I meant to pint out as well is that, once a generalized climate of fear is achieved--to which is tied the eagerness of many to punish dissenters-/a small cadre can create the illusion easily of mass consensus. Plainly, given Trumps election, MANY Americans are not OK with our current direction, but their voices are silenced in most places by relentless propaganda DESIGNED to make the majority seem to be outlier.

I will note that the Bolsheviks were always in a distinct minority, and the Mensheviks wee, to my understanding, the larger group, but Lenin and his ilk, being People Of The Lie, in M Scott Pecks sense, CALLED themselves the "majority", which in my understanding is the meaning of Bolshevik.

These people lie continuously and compulsively. And on most days their biggest lie is that most people agree with them on their core agenda. Even in a mass movement, the people who know the REAL plan are no more than 10%, if that. They are elitists who use populist rhetoric and sentiment to get people to surrender their freedom based on a long series of lies.


it remains the case that I would hesitate to sleep anywhere people can hear me, because my nightly antics would scare the crap out of most people. I do seem to have grown accustomed to dealing with them without getting drunk. I am drinking a bit here and there, but haven't been drunk in a few weeks.

Last night I had an odd interlude where I was puzzling if the "room" where my infant self is confined has time within it, and I found myself reasoning my way through it aloud.

For most of us, primitive traumas are encased in Amber. They are motionless museum exhibits. But sometimes they come to life, when a situation calls for it. But they can only run from A to B. It is a one way path which resets again at the beginning. I hesitate to call it a loop, since the reset is instantaneous, or at least unconscious. It is always new, again.

And this part, being sealed away, but containing a part of self, of our soul, affects by gravity everything we do. It is a weight we carry which cannot carry itself. Healthy emotions EXPRESS energy. That is their nature. They carry us. They make life easier.

An unhealthy emotion must be continually suppressed. Most people do this. I remember an acquaintance talking with barely suppressed glee how a person was flayed alive in a Game Of Thrones episode. I remember someone telling me the audience cheered at the end of Silence of the Lambs when Hannibal said he was "having an old friend for dinner."

It is tiring, you see, suppressing suspicion and anger and authentic spontaneity, as too many of us are taught to do. It makes you mean. It is in my view the hidden root of sacrifice.

Imagine if we began the public sacrifice of cows, lambs and chickens in all our major cities at high noon on every Friday. Ponder the spectacle. Everyone pissed off about anything could go watch something die, and feel better.

Are heros the point of horror films? Of course not. The VILLAINS are.

What I am attempting to oppose are the gradual and conscious exhibition of internal wounds, and their gradual healing and integration; and in the other a cyclic reenactment, in which the frozen content circles the center of our consciously, with a clear perigee and apogee. When stress becomes too much, it circles in and has its effect. When you have raged at someone, been mean--or been willfully self-destructive--it moves out again.  It is frozen hard and gone sometimes, and nearly melted and fresh sometime, which is when movement enters, which is when you feel more alive but more ambivalent about who you are.  This is when Satanists telling you "this is who you are" feels liberating, despite the fact that you are actually reidentifying with your tightest bonds.

There is something here. There is something to the notion of periodicity.