Wednesday, January 4, 2017

Progress, X?

I seem to be getting more accurate.  And I am touching a place of hypercompetence within myself.  I know what the fuck I'm doing, even if I don't know what the fuck I'm doing.

Some part of me has its shit together times two. It is gradually opening up.  This can only be a good thing.  I have had bees buzzing around my head, and horns sounding in my ears, and been getting punched at random for a long time.  It's distracting.  But something sees through it all.  Something never loses focus.  Something never, ever, ever, ever, quits.  It feeds only on victory, and then only if more work is not needed.  Battles do not win wars.  Never quitting until the war is won wins wars.  And even then, as the Japanese say, Zanshin.  Do not fear, but do not forget.  That would be a good motto.

Be all that as it may, I'm not going to celebrate until I can do 20 good strict pullups.  Getting my squat back into the 400's would sure feel good too.

I was looking at a guy in my gym today with 5 45 pound plates on each side.  He was doing deadlifts.  It looked like a lot, but shit, I used to be able to do that.  510 is my PR.  5 plates is 495.  Bob Peoples did 700 something in his late 40's.

I maxed out my squat at 200 for 3 today.  It's embarrassing, but I've been not working out for so long I have to rebuild the tendons and ligaments and soft tissue in that specific range of motion.  I'm going very gradual.  5 days a week.  I might comment on my workout later;  I might not.  Diet is definitely suboptimal, but as I say, something very, very powerful seems to be waking up within me.  It is not and never has been my destiny to be weak.  My destiny is to get the shit beat out of me in every possible way for a very long time, then use all that as information to not be a fucking moron.  That's what I try to do here: not be a fucking moron.  I sincerely hope I mostly succeed.

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