Thursday, March 30, 2017

Idealism versus Realism.

If an idea is implemented by someone who is incompetent and operating on the basis of a bad plan, you cannot blame the idea immediately.  If someone utterly unskilled in home building builds a home that falls over, you cannot say that it is impossible to build a home. What is needed is competence, diligence, and a good plan, which is to say good ideas.

It is not idealistic to dream of a better world, but part of the dreaming must involve clear ideas of better. In my own view, a better world would involve the progressive reduction of trauma, anxiety, compulsion, and related psychological disorders. On all scales this would translate to more harmony, peace, and sustainable prosperity.

The reason all past utopian projects failed is that they depended on abstractions and not qualities of being, qualities of INDIVIDUAL emotional health and balance. For the Nazi the Nation was everything. For the Commies the STATE was everything. In both cases power was centralized because there were--and are--no good ideas which work on the individual level, and which can thus be freely spread and developed organically in complex local and extended orders.

But another way, they had no way to enlist human nature in the service of genuine social improvement and skilled use of freedom.

If however we retain a coherent understanding of individual psychological and thus moral improvement, then without the State doing ANYTHING, growth is inevitable, if enough people do nothing more than internalize the idea that growth is good for them and everyone they know.

Realism versus Cynicism

I must observe, admitting I am sometimes a bit comical unintentionally-/that I am often at my most productive intellectually when there is work to be done. My money making today will consist in climbing a ladder more or less continuously for the next four hours or so. It's good, well paid work, but I still know how tired my legs will be. They tree trunks, but they are also supporting a large tree.

Be that as it may, when I say seemingly cynical things , like "those who are already down get kicked the most", I am speaking from personal experience. I am speaking from my own life, and on the basis of not-inconsiderable erudition. Human society and human history are filled with horrors. Unspeakable acts are occurring at this very moment in hundreds of places in this world of billions.  To claim otherwise would be ludicrous and naive. And to be naive is, in the practical solution of real problems, to be on a continuum between useless and part of the problem.

But where a cynic would say THIS IS HOW LIFE IS, a realist would say "this is how life is NOW, in far too many places, but better is possible.

And who can deny this? Are we not better off in nearly all ways than we were 500 years ago?

Clearly, many bad ideas have been and continue to be presented as good ideas.  Socialism and the political tolerance of political intolerance come readily to the fore as obvious examples.

But what we have not tried yet is GOOD ideas combined with global technology. And who is to say this marriage is impossible? Not a realist, although he might view the odds as being as abysmal of those of the Patriots at the start of the 4th Quarter in the most recent Super Bowl, or that Donald Trump would beat Hillary.

What are good ideas, you ask? Read my website!!!!!!

Self loathing

It is an odd fact of human life that the time you are most likely to be kicked is when you are already down. Small wonder that those who taste this early in life develop a hunger for power which can d more powerful than their attachment to life itself. Get rich or die trying.

And clearly some people have it easier than others. Those who have not been kicked in the head do not spend much of their life energy looking over their shoulder, leaving them more free for effective work and healthy relationships.

But pointing to relative privilege, OBVIOUSLY, doesn't raise anyone. Acts of self hatred and self abnegation do not heal in others patterns of trauma, developmental deficits, or give them access to better opportunities.  If they have an educational deficit, for example, as is common in most cities and many rural areas, what helps is education tailored in an intelligent (which is to say SINCERE) way to their actual needs. Charter Schools are useful.

Checking your privilege is only useful for building an unwarranted and factually sanitized sense of self importance. Who needs the germs of facts--which promise only the diseases of confusion and self doubt--when a system has been perfected for perennial and effort free moral superiority?

Enough preaching. This started as a personal note. Preaching, clearly, is one of my best and most cherished defense mechanisms.

You can hate yourself for hating yourself. This was the observation I wanted to make.

From a neurophysiological perspective, trauma acts to create social isolation by taking the relevant social parts of the brain off-line. This gets processed as a sense of banishment and feeling hated. It FEELS like you were cast out for a reason.

But you can then get attacked by your residual social brain, which sides with what feels like the "masses" who cast you out for crimes unspecified. You are first convicted, THEN you put yourself into a perennial trial a la Kafka, who likely suffered from something like this process (Der Prozess).

It is all very interesting, and I do feel interest, curiosity, and relative kindness--of the sort you would afford a stranger--are the path back.

Possible indirect systemic cause of political polarization

As I have often remarked, we live (I am making a likely mostly but not completely accurate generalization about my five readers) in an era of muted emotion and compensating hyper abstraction .

In many of the best paying professions, "dispassion", so-called, is a positive asset. Such people have cool heads, analytical ability, "objectivity" (which tends to turn both observer and observed into objects, into things).

What if the main ACTUAL product of most of news media--one developed in response to observations about what sells--is EMOTION?  What if people tune into MSNBC, or Fox, or any of hundreds of other sites, for a dose of daily FEELING? Happy, sad, self-congratulatory or mad: all if it counts. Such media offer portals into forgotten dimensions of human experience.

Think about this systemically: would a system based on feeling not inherently work itself into radical antipodes who NEED each other?

Self evidently, I argue for conservative positions consistently. I view them as better because defensible in depth. Emotion is not needed. But have we been infected?

Abstraction as a pervasive problem was pointed out decades ago by others. I believe Jacqued Barzun talked about it. But would it not logically affect all cultural systems?

Interesting idea.


It seems to me that dissociation might usefully be thought of as Affective Amnesia. The sense of self, of embodiment (to use a term common in Kum Nye), is just that: a sense, a feeling. When your feelings get turned ass over teakettle you lose your self. You are adrift, neither here nor there, belonging nowhere, not even where you are.

I feel this. And it is a good feeling. It is painful, but as I have said before, so is thawing a frost-bitten limb.

My true self, which was damaged badly before I could talk, is very very perceptive, and extremely persistent and agile. I can only be glad I am slowly and with great difficulty edging my way back in that direction.

Tuesday, March 28, 2017

Former NIST employee speaks out on blatant cover-up

NO ONE who studies the data can but conclude that Tower 7, at least, was the subject of a controlled demolition.  I see no wiggle room, no gray area.  Towers 1 and 2, possibly, although even there the preponderance of evidence supports controlled demolition.

But Tower 7 can only have come down in one way.  That this BLATANT FACT was intentionally ignored--and as he points out, these are highly competent people, so that too is the only real possibility--speaks volumes to the state of the American government, and what in recent days has been called the Deep State.

We don't know who these people are.  We don't know what they want.  But they clearly represent an existential threat to freedom, and in my view are our most important and dangerous enemy.


What is the "life" value of artificial experience?  What is the value of playing video games, or watching TV shows about zombies or, more accurately, about life with non-zombies in a zombie world?

When people who have spent one quarter of their lives watching TV get to their death beds, what of that experience matters?

I am asking questions.  I am not at the moment willing to suggest answers.

Sunday, March 26, 2017


It really hit me this morning that everyone on this planet needs love.  There are no exceptions.  The ISIS members need love.  Every person walking down the street needs love.  Serial killers need love.  Children need love.  Babies need love.  Adults need love.  The elderly need love.

This is obvious, I suppose, and perhaps has long been obvious to people who had their needs met better than I did.

But all the same, this fact is hitting me today for some reason.

You the reader need love, and most likely more than you are getting.

Saturday, March 25, 2017


Even if Paul Ryan had passed his bad amendments to Obamacare, it still would have needed to pass in the Senate, and there is no sign that that would have happened.  Rand Paul, particularly, would have opposed it as diligently as he opposed Ryancare, which was not even technically his problem.

Ryancare/Obamacare Lite was not defeated from the Left.  The Democrats had nothing to do with it.  Rather, it was defeated by conservatives, from the right.  What this means is that something much better--something much closer to, or ideally identical to, the ideas I and Rand Paul have proposed--is possible.  It is obviously possible. It is plainly possible.

But only over Paul Ryan's dead body, which is to say, following a successful repeal and replacement of his tenure as Speaker of the House.  

Which makes me wonder: was the whole INTENT of this, of Trump's apparent support for it, getting rid of Ryan as Speaker, to make room for much more aggressive, much more audacious, much more APPROPRIATE legislation--given our troubles and the sundry and manifold assaults on our liberty and future prosperity?

On the one hand we read about Trump's "long game".  In the next headline, though, we read yet again about what an idiot he is, and how badly he is failing.  But here is the thing: over and over and over and over Trump has defied expectations.  Over and over and over he wins where he was expected to lose.  He triumphs where defeat seemed the only possibility.  Can anyone, now, really argue that all this is just luck and chance, and goshdarnit the next time he's really, really done?

I don't think so.  People do not get lucky over and over and over.  This takes talent, instinct, intelligence, and a PLAN.

Paul Ryan is the fly in the ointment.  Mitch McConnell has shown a long history and pattern of pragmatism, and he can be expected to move in the direction of politically expedient winds.  He is not the primary problem Trump faces right now, and in any event, getting him out would be much, much more difficult than Ryan.

It seems to me that this defeat signals the weakness of Ryan.  It is hard to see how someone like Steve Bannon could have ever signed on to Ryancare, and it seems likely he did not.  It may have been that Trump was publicly lobbying for the passage of Ryancare, and privately opposing it, either personally, or through intermediaries.

The failure to pass this bill looks like failure, not for Trump, but for Ryan, whose job it is to represent his constituents, which is to say House Republicans.  He is plainly continuing to fail to do that.  The Speaker is supposed to represent a consensus among his parties members.  He is supposed to represent the interests and policies of the majority of them, and Ryan clearly does not.

Given the CLEAR move to the right on the part of the entire country shown in the changes since 2008 in the composition of Congress and various State Houses and governorships, it seems obvious that Trump with a willing Congress can vitiate many of the assaults on our freedom, and bring under control the metastasizing cancer of uncontrolled growth in funding and power on the part of the Federal government, which were so hardily encouraged under the Obama debacle.

We read daily that it is Trump's WORST WEEK EVER.  He is really done this time.  There is no rising from the ashes.  End of the road.  Finito.  And yet, as he percipiently pointed out, he remains President, so obviously he did something right.

This will be a long, hard fought campaign.  But we have the troops in place to get things done.  Ryan is a General who needs to be replaced because he has forgotten who the enemy is, and lost his taste for struggle and battle.

We don't yet know, for sure, who the traitors are who are using our national intelligence apparatus to damage Trump--presumably in support of a totalitarian state--but we can be sure investigations are on-going, and that at some point heads will roll.

There is so much that needs to be fixed.  All of this will take time.  But in Trump we do have someone who GETS what the problems are.  I continue to believe this.

Ignore most of the media.  Most of them are fucking imbeciles when they are not outright bought and paid for.

Thursday, March 23, 2017

The outrage

Imagine the outrage if some toothless redneck in Alabama somewhere developed a considerable following based on a reinterpretation of the Bible in which slavery were not just still legal, but more or less encouraged; where rape of any non-members of the church was encouraged; where they had death squads who routinely killed people who were not members of their faith, more or less randomly; and where they preached that one day they would rule America?

The enemy of my enemy is my friend.  This is the creed of the Left, and based on their actual behavior, they consider their main enemies the United States, its history, and the people who in the main built and maintain it.

The FBI and CIA, and possibly the NSA need to be purged or ended

At a minimum, REAL oversight, by elected representatives of the American people, needs to be implemented.

And until people start going to jail, the culture of lawlessness--of being above the law, and immune to it--will continue.  The highest officials of at least the CIA and FBI have told bald faced lies directly to Congress.  That should not be allowed to happen without the severest penalties.  I really think Comey, Brennan, and Clapper belong in jail.

Here is the thing: how can we even know what dirt they have dug up on Congress?  Why would it not be a reasonable assumption that, if Congress fails to do its job, that key members are being blackmailed by people we TRUSTED to protect America, not a lunatic left wing agenda?

Wednesday, March 22, 2017


I went to an outstanding concert tonight, and it occurred to me to posit the following logical chain: if music is an important part of life, and if life is worth living well, then good music is necessarily an important part of life.

One of the most basic foundational flaws of Islam that I can point to is its hostility to song and dance in any form.  Singing, playing music, and dancing are all activities which soothe us, which calm us, which tame the wild beasts within us.  They make society possible.  They facilitate the laughter and shared happiness which are the essence of communion, genuine goodwill, and the capacity for love.

Now, practically of course, many Muslims break this code.  They sing, they dance, they celebrate.  But the zealots hate all of that.  Their creed is one of meanness, cruelty, rigidity, death, and darkness.  There is nothing good they will bring to Europe.

Making everyone mean is of course good for the religious business, if the goal is expansion and control through agents of violence, but it is not good for peace or human well being, and certainly not for thriving.

I would add that shame is a basic tool which, when installed at a young age, makes social control much easier.  You inculcate through it both submissiveness, and fear of being different.

It is for this very purpose that shame is being so carefully cultivated in our own youth, in the form of the Original Sin of being born white or male or unapologetically heterosexual.  The indoctrinators want their propaganda targets to feel deep shame at their very existence.  And kids are so fucking desperate and stupid that they BUY this bullshit.  Amazing.

Tuesday, March 21, 2017

Politics and community

Principle: politics can never be a means to community, merely an expression of it.

Politics comes from Polis, and the underlying Greek idea is that no true community could be larger than could hear a loud voice yelling from a 2nd or 3rd story rooftop.  They are small by design.

And America is by design intended to consist in many, many Polises (Poli?  Polei?  I don't do Greek), many small communities.  This is the whole point of the Electoral College, whose SUCCESS we saw in the election of Trump.

We see fear of Trump ending any number of Federal programs.  If I might again paraphrase Bastiat, simply because someone objects to one person doing something, having control over something, does not mean they object to it being done.  To object to bad policing is not to object to policing.  To object to bad policy is not to say there should not be policy.

And to object to the Federal Government doing something does not mean that it should not be done.  We can and should point to long term failures in educational achievement and view the Federal role in it as either irrelevant or pernicious.  We can and should point to the fact that the arts have been completely politicized, to the point that conservative tax-payers are in many cases being forced to subsidize--in the NEA, in "The People's Radio"--media that are overtly propagandistic.

But that is not to object to art.  Art, and environmental policy, and education, and food for the elderly and everything else can be funded by the States, if they choose.  It can be funded by cities and counties.

This is the thing: caring should be local and responsive to specific problems which individuals can see in the places they live.  It should not be monolithic, one-size-fits-all, and originating for most of the country in a far distant place, filled with career bureaucrats who get fat paychecks and retirement bonuses, and who are nearly impossible to fire, EVEN WHEN THEY FAIL MISERABLY.

The EPA has more or less said to Trump "we don't work for you".  Fine.  What they do can be outsourced to the States.  Where there is a stream or river or lake or land area that crosses State borders, the two States can negotiate.  The EPA has clearly been abused for partisan political purposes.  That sort of abuse should not be possible in a politically well organized nation, which is what our Constitution created.

Culturally, both the right and the left want their politics to represent some ideal of community.  But caring is not enacted by bureaucrats disconnected from the lives they have so much control over.  And we cannot go back to the past.  What I might call the log of the past is falling, never to rise again in the same way.

We need new ideas, new seeds, new visions.  This is what I continue to attempt to provide, and I do not think I am speaking out of turn in saying I have enjoyed some success in at least the articulating, even if I am a nearly complete failure, thus far, in the implementing.

Monday, March 20, 2017

James Comey

I'm trying to avoid politics, but would like to ask a question: why the fuck does James Comey still have his job? He refused to prosecute Hillary despite a superabundance of evidence even in the public record, and is now apparently concerned that WikiLeaks someone triangulated with Trump and the Russians to deny a dishonest tired and evil hag access to the Presiddncy.

Comey is corrupt. Period. And we don't need s politicized hack running an agency with the power of the FBI.

Are not all Federal employees at-will? If not, can we not make them that way?


As I suppose was inevitable, I am going to indulge myself and offer a few comments on this movie, which I first watched last night.

Ultimately, it is about redemption and survival, which are both highly positive themes.  I liked the ending.

And I don't think Chiron is gay.  This was not a movie about gayness.  It was a movie about the importance of positive and nurturing physical contact combined with trust.  Trust is everything, especially for people who have found the world hostile and dark.

And I really like that aspect of it: that there was no preaching, merely telling, merely relating.  There was no politics there, even if it is safe to assume Hollywood read the politics into it.

It is perhaps both poignant and appropriate that there should have been such a fuck-up at the Oscars.  Barry Jenkins never thought he could get there in the first place.  He got there only as a result of an extended act of faith, courage, and putting one foot in front of the other and hoping for the best.

And he gets there, and wins, and gets his thunder stolen. But he still won.  Whatever the shit was that happened on the way, and when he got there, he still found redemption and acceptance of his vision in the end.

We all get hit.  Many of us get kicked on the ground.  But there is no use dwelling on all that.  There is still much goodness, much love, and much reason for hope in this world.  Perhaps it comes in small doses at irregular intervals, but this is still God speaking in this stony world.

Sunday, March 19, 2017

Why would you hate someone you love?

Because they will hurt you in the future, by changing, by becoming ill, by dying.

In the past, the belief in heaven helped most Americans deal with this grief of anticipation, because whoever they lost, they would see again.  But more and more Americans--and the world generally--are indoctrinated in the creed of Materialism, or what I read is now more often called Physicalism.

To love deeply is to be hurt deeply, so why not make your relationships more superficial, and your lasting attachments to abstractions who will never leave you?

I look at our kids today, and at my own childhood not so very long ago, and I think many American kids bear subtle scars of having been loved a bit, but not enough.  Their parents were distracted by work, by media.  Quite possibly their mother worked full time and they were raised by care-givers who were not family and not able to care quite enough in the first two years.  Quite likely their parents divorced when they were young, each seeking some new adventure, or at least escape from an inability to mature into a healthy giving and receiving relationship.

I was struck many years ago by how much more mature kids in Europe seemed to be than American kids of the same age.  Partly it is the real demands placed on them by the school systems over there.  Partly it is the continuity of culture and expectation which is communicated person to person, parent and grandparent to child, and not socialization through television.

We did not used to be overgrown children.  Americans were as mature and able at the same ages as Europeans.  But the 1960's happened, and somewhere in there the ideal of becoming an adult underwent a crisis and psychosis, and permanently weakened.

And the core of maturation is individuation, and the core of that is the development of a felt sense of personal agency, that your world is in important respects within your control, that your behavior dictates your future, that you have a say, and that even if dreams take time to manifest, that persistence prevails most of the time.

None of those core personality beliefs and attributes can manifest in conditions of continual protection from psychological randomness and difficulty.  Life inherently becomes something beyond control, something dark and dangerous, something fearful, and life in a cage--to be called a "sanctuary"--something to be treasured.

I do not feel today as I felt yesterday.  But I needed to let that energy out. I am tempted to stipulate as a general principle that if something is falling, let it fall.  Then allow something new and more robust to be planted and to grow where it stood.  No use protecting dead wood.  This is not how life--which is inherently wild when lived honestly and freely--works.

Saturday, March 18, 2017

I hate everybody

This is what I am feeling at the moment.  This is the core of evil.  I want to watch the Earth destroyed, and everyone killed and dead, including me.  Paint it Black, with only slightly more energy and honesty.

Why do I write so much?  Why did I write all those essays on Goodness Movement?  Why have I spent so much time in political and philosophical debate?

Because I was fighting, through proxy, demons within myself.  Anyone who is driven is driven by something, and a better word might be chased by something.

Love is gradual. Love is patient and takes the long view.  Love embraces and expands and it is flexible and adaptable.  It is attraction, not compulsion, not obsession.

Hate may manifest using the word love or the word goodness. It may project words like justice and peace, but it does not come from those places, and it does not really know them.

I myself was laid on a sacrificial altar and every effort made to destroy me emotionally by my family.  I had no shelter but abstraction and dissociation.  No one intervened to save me.  Even now, they refuse to recognize what they tried to do, and I am left with that memory.

When a knife enters you, it leaves a gap.  Your memory retains that gap, and fashions it into an identical weapon, to be directed against the world in some way.  Now, this energy can and often is introjected to create a second wound, through patterns of self destruction and self harm, but it cannot easily be dissipated except through knowing and a slow process of acceptance and integration.

I do not want to be smart.  I want to be wise.  And this process is non-linear.

My past indicates I will be fine, but right now I am dealing with some extraordinarily destructive and nasty energies, that I have, seemingly, kept at bay until it was time to deal with them.  That time is now.  I have long practice facing things which I cannot face.

Wish me well.  I feel I may be human soon, and have learned important things in this excruciating experience.

What do we really have?

Buddhists do not renounce all attachment.  For a very long time, they attach themselves to the Tripittika, the Triple Basket: the Buddha, the Sangha and the Dharma.

In theory, even this attachment does not endure forever, but as a practical matter, for most Buddhists it does.

Psychologically, there is no way to say to people "you can have this, trust this, place all your faith and trust in this, and then kill it."

Oh, life.

Perhaps you can say the first part, and then add: and when it changes color, and becomes smaller and less attractive, and when your inner world becomes filled with light and love, then you can leave it behind, as a vehicle which served its purpose carrying you across the water.

What interests me here is not the proposition that everything and everyone you love can be taken--this is obvious--but the idea that some things cannot be taken; or at least, that the taking involves a different level of misfortune.

We have all read the stories of people being captured and sent to concentration camps where they "have" flea infested clothes, tattoos, endless workpaindeath, and nothing else but their memories, and perhaps their hopes.

More sinister to me are the efforts to take from people not just their possessions, but their memories and beliefs.  This level of evil is unique to Communism.  Not even the Mongols would have contemplated that level of cruelty.  They simply enjoyed killing and taking.

So in this world, not only can your things be taken, but your very sense of self, too.  One can only imagine what brain-washing tools have been developed by psychopaths working on their own account for "the future of mankind", and in reality in service of primitive wounds they have no hope of healing or even remembering.

I was contemplating the other day that the lowest levels of evil require justification and dogma.  A psychopathic killer is an animal in a man's--more rarely, a woman's--body, but there remains a connection between the frontal cortex and what we might term "the predator's brain" in their viscera.  The frontal cortex negotiates pretending to be a socially connected human, and the viscera express to that person feelings of completion and the cessation of tension and anxiety.  Serial killers go through a cycle, one in which their acute sense of emotional disconnection is temporarily suspended when they commit an act of cruelty which is not evolutionarily disconnected, in my view, from a wild cat playing with its prey, then killing it.  Since this is always a temporary solution, they tend to repeat their acts, and, importantly, keep mementos.  This is a nearly universal trait among those who have been caught.

But to the point there is a connection between what is felt and what is thought.  They know what relieves the tension.  They have moments where they feel, relatively, good.  There is a connection between the social brain and viscera, where feelings and thoughts flow back and forth.

This is not true for ideologues.  I feel the conscious connection between the social brain and the viscera is severed, in a permanent act of dissociation expressed through abstraction, and invariably in the service of an ideal which uses words which are socially acceptable, such as justice, progress, and peace.

What this means is that ideologues are disconnected, consciously, from their hatred, their anger, their violence, their venom; ultimately, given the words they always choose to use, from their hypocrisy and soul-level dishonesty.

No wild beast commits mass murder for no reason.  We can watch a cat play with a mouse, but one mouse is sufficient for most cats for a while.  Then they lose interest.

I am losing my way here.  I am tempted to delete all this, but it feels important to me emotionally at the moment.  I am not completely sure why.  I am trying to reach the abstraction needed for mass slaughter.

Nationalism is in some respects tribalism.  But tribalism represents concrete connections with actual people with whom you share an historical and cultural and social connection.

What do we call the tribalism of the abstract?  How do we understand their crimes?  I can't go farther down this path at the moment.

Friday, March 17, 2017


As I have shared several times, I identify (like many men) with the Wolverine character.  In my own case, perhaps among a smaller group, I identify with the recurrence of severe pain which does not kill him, from which he recovers.  But he feels the pangs of conscience.  He feels the pains of physical wounds.  He feels the pain of absence and loss, and his torture is surviving everything which kills everyone he makes the mistake of loving.  Small wonder a lifetime of continual disappointment makes him so hard, even if he can never bring himself fully to stop caring.

For me, this movie was somewhat redemptive.  As stark as the loss at the end was, it brought me emotional comfort, which puzzled me.

My children grew up watching the X-men movies with me.  This was a part of their childhood, and my parenthood.  A long story line has come, seemingly, to an end.  And my children, for their part, have grown.

But in some ways his pain was my pain.  I have long felt myself a "warrior", which for my own purposes I would define as "someone who keeps fighting when he can't go on and does so for a very long time."

I felt some peace last night, as I realized that it need not remain my self appointed task to try and solve the problems of the world.  There is a difference between someone who fights, and someone who provides an alternative to fighting.

This world is broken.  None of us have the power to heal it fully.  Certainly, I don't.

Douglas McArthur, among others, reminded us that "old soldiers never die; they just fade away."

What does this mean?  When someone has given their all and then some, when they have consecrated their souls to battle, to the taking of lives, and enduring watching the lives of their own kind, their friends, their own spiritual flesh and blood, being taken in turn, there is an energy in the air created, a torment, a turmoil, a restlessness and recklessness which continues long after their bodies are dust.  They are memorable, and remain felt for a long time.

But I feel my path is to provide an alternative to war.  And for those who have known war, a path out of it.  Soldiers bring war home.  They may not show it, but it is there.  Once it is in the blood, nothing else feels right, for most.  They may fear and loathe it, as McArthur did.  But they cannot get it out of them.  It is a tinge, a coloring, an odor that remains.

I have never been in an actual battle, but within my heart I have endured countless hours of desperation, of reckless, seemingly impossible courage.  I am alive because of these battles, which I think would have claimed many in suicide or a suitable equivalent.

But I felt, last night, for the first time, the possibility of peace.  It goes not through arguing, not through that disputatiousness I use to protect myself from unmanageable emotions, but by letting it all go.

I feel that the inner cutting which attends deep perception is painful to me.  I am unwilling to renounce it fully, but I am willing to admit my clumsiness, my lack of skill, my painful stupidity, and with it, an alternative.

That alternative is silence, and the allowing of healing.

Monday, March 13, 2017

This song influenced me a great deal when I was younger

Much of this blog, perhaps, is me working it all out in my own way.  That whole album is excellent.

I am dealing with evil right now. Peter Levine says healing involves contacting our inner goodness, and I believe this, but in my own experience the path through it is an awareness of human evil, and specifically an awareness of its presence in our own hearts, all of us.  I watch it simmering up in me.  It is no longer hidden. I am becoming one, not two.

There is no easy way to be fully human, but that is what my aim in life is.

Saturday, March 11, 2017


The following is written under the influence of fatigue.  It is meandering and, perhaps, in some places falls short of the lucidity which is my usual goal.  Nonetheless, here you go:

One of the hardest tasks of human life is to see people as they actually are.  To do this, you need to be emotionally engaged, but neither repulsed nor attracted.  You yourself need to be free from neediness, and free of those hidden triggers which create unnecessary and foreign (to the interaction, as they exist in a timeless space of their own) reactions.

Virtually everyone you meet, every single day, you either want something from, fear in some way, or react to in ways which are related to things and events of long ago.  They are never just there.  They are there, and YOU are there, and your illusions and feelings are there.  It's a complex mix.

Growth, for me, seems to consisting in the realization that every negative emotional pattern I have is BEST seen as originating, now, in me.  When I sabotage myself, of course I can trace it back to someone outside of me.  But they are not there, now, are they?  That happened oh so long ago.

But surely, it is easy to think, I would not hurt myself.  That must be a relic.

No: that, too is you.  Part of you is an asshole.  And if you are an asshole to yourself, you are to other people too.  You have just learned to hide it from them and from you.  Nobody sees it, but your asshole self.  You have to get on speaking terms with your asshole self.

And don't think you can tell it what to do.  It will get in your face and say I SAVED YOUR LIFE YOU STUPID MOTHERFUCKER.  And it has a point.  It did.

I think--and this is where I am at at the moment--you need to give it an alternative, by both staying emotionally present and doing the sorts of things which work towards success in various forms.  You have to give it reason to trust in a stable adult form of agency which does what it does, but better, with less stress internally, and which pisses fewer people off externally.  You need to give it a reason to stop telling you what to do by giving it an HONEST--and spotting bullshit is an essential part of this part--alternative.

It would be impossible to describe some of the feelings which are coming up in me as I thaw, feelings which evoke times when I was much younger, feelings which I had forgotten were possible.
Last night in some dreams I won't recount, I realized that my conscious awareness, on an emotional level, was just flat gone for many years of my life.  I was hypnotized.  I was there.  It was my body.  I walked on the street, and drove my car, and met the expectations laid on me, mostly, but I wasn't there.  It was an automaton.

My true self sees fucking everything.  I feel textures in the air.  I get whiffs of people's personal stories.  As I have said before, I think at some point I will be able to read spirits--minds alone are boring.  It is astonishingly interesting.  I am fascinated by everything.

I play this game wherever I go, which Doris Lessing called "What do you see".  I'll sit in restaurants and wonder why an access hatch is where it is, or what work had to be done and patched there, or wonder why they only applied one coat of paint, or wonder where they got all the lamps, etc.  I see as much as I can, and am constantly trying to figure out the back story.  It's an interesting hobby, and an antidote to staring at my phone.  Almost every room of almost every building has interesting questions.

Then of course you have the people.

When my kids were younger I took them to Pizza Hut one time.  There was a man sleeping in his car in the spot next to where we parked.  When we got done, he was gone.  I spent the next thirty minutes making up stories of what happened to him, from Big Foot to flying saucers, to ex-wives, to the FBI, etc. It was great fun.

I am getting off an a tangent, as I do, but I continue to believe that the spirits of curiosity and imagination are emotionally and culturally more important in many ways than logical and scientific rigor.  I would not want one without the other, but I feel we have strayed much too far from playfulness and completely open minded inquiry, in far too many fields.

The POINT I wanted to make, was that as I grow I realize that feelings, and the people who feel feelings, are stranded.  They have threads.  Take the feeling of happiness.  Is it never tinged with sadness?  Jealousy?  Fear?  Sadness?  Is sadness never secretly tinged with gladness?  Is loneliness never tempered with a sense of relief from people?

And the people who hurt us, to return to my initial point, finally, are never FULLY bad.  This holds even if they were and are bad most of the time.

Do you think Hitler--or his moral equal Fidel Castro--never inhaled the smell of blossoms on the air on a beautiful spring day, and took a stroll in a garden somewhere filled with colorful flowers, and perhaps laughing and ideologically acceptable children, and forgot for a time their self appointed missions to save somebody from something?  Do you think they never forgot even for a moment their manifest destiny to save the world?

Of course they did. Hitler smiled sometimes.  Castro was content sometimes.

And even people who torment us have moments where they are human, where they relax, even if only for a moment, perhaps at the end of an acceptably arduous day, or in a moment of forgetfulness of the misery they are bound to protect within themselves, who forget the monsters destiny has made it necessary for them to act the role of.

People are stranded.  They have moods. They have modes.  They have, even within viciousness, the capacity for reason and mercy.  They are small threads, too small.  That is why they are unseen.  That is why they still become monsters.

But true cruelty requires belief. It requires in the case of the ideologue the belief that morality is found in violence and pain in the service of some abstract cause embodied in concrete people.

In the case of the sadists, who derive short term satisfaction and release from their emotional confinement in the exercise of cruelty, the belief that this price--that of deepening the fear and social disconnection which has pervaded their lives--is worth this short pleasure and release.

No doubt sadists flock together.  But they are all alone, no?

My point is that even these people have moments of humanity, hard though they may be to see.

I listened to "In Cold Blood", and both killers--even though they giggled for hours after the killings--had moments of moral lucidity.  Perry propped the father and brother up on mattresses, for comfort, even though he also slit the fathers throat and they blew his head off.

We are stranded.  We are all partly human, if not acted on by ideology.  Only ideology can make people fully evil.

And I have never considered throwing the Marquis de Sade an ounce of sympathy, but perhaps I will here.  Even he, the patron saint of cruelty, and in my view the patron saint of the political Left, found an ideology which preached cruelty to be unacceptable and horrible.  He loved cruelty, but he never sought to justify it.  And perhaps some remaining human part of him could see that the love of violence in the pursuit of factitious virtue was even worse than anything he had imagined.

I am, in my own way, preparing the ground in my own life for what I may or may not term forgiveness.  What I intend, specifically, is an attempt to see my parents as they ARE and WERE.  Such seeing sees good and bad, stupidity and virtue.  It sees textures, with no names, and no place holders for value, which are interesting, and worth exploring for their intrinsic interest and merit.

Nobody IS.  We are all many things.  We are all many people.  We are all many moods, many thoughts, many actions.

And for a full circle: seeing this accurately is fucking hard.  Really, really, really fucking hard.

Parking Lots

What do parking lots say about our culture?

What is the difference in feeling between a full lot and an empty one?

I'm not offering answers.  I am simply offering open questions.

Friday, March 10, 2017


If Amazon Echo is a problem, why wouldn't Microsoft Kinect also be?  It is designed to detect all motion in the room, and take large pictures of everything and everyone, with audio.

I have one, but I refuse to plug it in, much less connect it or my XBox to the internet.

Anything connected is hackable, and if it is hackable, it probably has been hacked.

I use a paper planner for the same reason.  It is not paranoia to question the wisdom of putting your every last idea in the public domain.  Certainly, I put a LOT, but not all.  Not even close.


"A socially appropriate means of dealing with all the things a society takes most seriously."

Edit: I'm not sure I agree with this.  It may be wrong or incomplete.  Take it as a Provocative Operation in the spirit of Edward de Bono.


In the Sanskrit that have this phrase, which means literally "happiness and pain the same".  This is a goal of spiritual practice.  It has always seemed harsh to me, and I have written on it more than once (although I cannot honestly remember what I said, so I may be repeating myself).

On the face of it, you harden your heart, in the same way you harden yourself when doing some unpleasant task, like jumping into a cold swimming pool.  You just don't think about it.  You teach yourself to not care.  You get comfortable with discomfort.

But a much warmer feeling came up in me today I thought I would share.

It is a fact of life that some people will like you, some will dislike you, some will be ambivalent, and some will change their minds.  It is a fact of life that some things you try will succeed, most will partially succeed, but not to your imagination, and sometimes through some combination of strategy, luck, and your own qualities as a person, they will "fail", as they say.

Failure stings.  Success feels good.  These are truisms we have all seen in our own experience.

But I felt the possibility of remaining open in all circumstances.  As Churchill put it, in a quote I have cited more than once: "Success is not final, failure is not fatal: it is the courage to continue that matters."

I would amend this: I would say "curiosity to continue".  It is quite possible to find even difficult situations interesting.  It is like a movie, where you don't know how it will turn out, where you are one of the actors.  Now, we are all naturally attached to a sense of self esteem which is influenced by events, by an attachment to life and relative comfort, but these are not NECESSARY connections.  It is possibly to privilege INTEREST above all this.

I feel this is the root of the thing: it is not disconnection, but HEIGHTENED connection, combined with a cultivated ability to process experience, and find the fascination in ALL of it.

I would add as well that I do have spells where I feel no need to speak at all.  I feel that healing for me is speaking less.  I was going to write a post on this but

Thursday, March 9, 2017


Could we not perhaps define dogmatism as the loss of curiosity combined with strong beliefs?  Could we not define it as simple ideas applied to all situations indifferently, which is to say disconnectedly and in a decontextualized manner?

The longer I live, the more I see curiosity as the precursor of all other virtues.  You can infer much of what you would need to know practically about a person by knowing if they are curious and regularly learning, or if they spend all their time shouting out loud what they already "know".  Likewise with cultural orders.  Curious societies have to be free societies, and societies filled with curious people continually discover things.  This is likely the principal cultural advantage of the Israelis, and the main cultural disadvantage of all Muslims.

Larger curiosity we term mystery.  Ponder the term "religious mystery".  Then ponder the feelings evoked by the phrase "the mystery of. . .".  For me, it evokes the Hardy Boys and Nancy Drew.  What is a mystery?  Something unexplained, perhaps unexplainable, but fascinating and fluctuating in our imaginations.  It is the sense of a train whistle and the nostalgia for distant lands brought into being in front of us, emotionally.  What do we make of it?  Do we need to make anything of it?

Mysteries frighten many people.  This is why they seek from life simple and simplistic explanations, which they cling to even if they are wrong.

But curious people are attracted to mysteries, even ones they can't explain.

Within the last day I saw some supposedly intellectually competent scientist say something like "if it existed we would know about it.  Since we don't know about it, it must not exist."  Much of our world is governed intellectually by such people.

Curiosity does not tell you where you are going when it takes you on a journey.  It merely shows you the next step, and its only promise is of a journey somewhere new.

CIA, Fascinating possibility

It seems obvious that the Russians had nothing to do with WikiLeaks.  Assange says they didn't, and multiple US intelligence professionals have come forward with the more credible story that American intelligence agents hacked Podesta themselves, because for more reasons than I can or will recount here, they hated and feared her, and all the ideas and people she represented and represents.

BUT, what if the Russians DID hack the CIA, and WERE the source of the Vault 7 leaks?  That, to me, would be a game very well played.

They can't outspend us, but since, particularly under Obama, we were not smart, there is no reason to think they could not outfox us.  They ran circles around us in the Cold War, and only lost because Communism is an inherently malicious and ineffective creed, politically and economically.

I am no friend of Putin, but I am likewise no friend of war, the global elite, or policy which is contrary to America's interests. I am a friend of leaving things and people alone, rather than feeling a continual compulsion to shape them to our image, often to the financial benefit of people who will work across lifetimes without ever being known by name to the public, which is often forced to speak in generalities, when they are even that awake.

The Left is the enemy of this nation, here, and around the world.  Ironically, it may be an ex-Communist doing the most to prevent their eventual victory.

CIA, obvious point

All along, many of us were pointing to the fact that the NSA surveillance we knew about could be used by unscrupulous people like Barack Obama and Hillary Clinton to gather damaging, blackmail-worthy, information on political opponents.

Lo and behold, that same obvious idea occurred long ago to the CIA, which seems to be "wire-tapping" (yes, I get the anachronism of this phrase, but that does not mean the basic idea is not entirely and substantively correct) people SOLELY to gather dirt.  After all, the fucking NSA is ALREADY doing that work.  The CIA, for its part, was doing it with even less transparency, and for no apparent valid intelligence purpose.  After all, is the CIA not FORBIDDEN from working inside the United States?  Does that prohibition not go back to the Church hearings in the mid-1970's?

The CIA was founded to combat Communism, and it appears to have been instead infiltrated BY them.  Perhaps its useful time is done.

I wonder if we could get rid of the CIA entirely, by folding it, person by person, into the NSA and/or the DIA, trickling them through carefully to weed out all people suspected of totalitarian loyalties.


Wednesday, March 8, 2017

Norway, another idea

As I said, Obama sent a bunch of Marines to an old Cold War base in the north of Norway near the Russian border.  Maybe they fucked up something old and radioactive.  

The pattern

Data points.

1) Stephen Hawking says that a global government may be needed:

2) Stephen Hawking has been to Pedophile Island:

3) Russia says it has placed "mole" nuclear weapons off our coast or coasts:

This last prompted me to share on Facebook an idea I had a while back.  Logically, if nuclear explosives can be made smaller and smaller--and we are well into the era of nanotechnology even in the public domain--then at some point they can be fitted onto warheads which would fit on model rockets, or which could be carried by a small drone.

People who are stupid and obsessed with fighting the last war better, rather than the next war adequately, seem to have reduced their imaginations to the idea that smaller warheads simply means more warheads on a MIRV.  Add to that some zigging and zagging to avoid missile defenses, and you have the current state of the art.

But what if Russian (or other) submarines could launch small drones off the coasts, infiltrate small land vehicles, and drive them, eventually, to all our inland nuclear launch sites, or within a few miles of them.  What if some of these could burrow in to be undetectable until; activated by a small antenna which remains barely above the surface?

What if the still unexplained radiation which began in northern Norway, which shares a border with Russia in the north, is a series of delivery vehicles which are being staged to create instantaneous havoc across the continent in the event of war, in ways which could not possibly be stopped by any possible missile defense system?

Here are the thoughts which came to me.  There exists a global elite which wants a global government.  They don't believe in global warming because they are not stupid, but they do believe there are far too many people, that there are far too many moving parts, that deforestation, or oceanic disaster, or nuclear terrorism, or global pandemic, or who knows what makes it certain that a global disaster will happen at some point from which we may not recover.

The United States has been sufficiently indoctrinated that its people could be made to bend to a global government, or enough of them that the rest could be killed, locked up, or psychologically tortured into compliance in secret camps with Smiley Faces on the outside.

Europe.  Need I say more?  The rest of the world?  Please.

China, in this world view, would be the logical head of the global government, since they are already the most populous nation, and have already enslaved their people for over half a century.

Who is the fly in this ointment?  The unabashedly nationalist head of a once great but still formidable nation in the far north of the world. Putin no doubt saw Communism as it existed in the USSR as an extension of Russian nationalism.  And the people who now want global government are the very "capitalists" and power hungry oligarchs which the Communists once hated and fought, and who constituted the only real, valid, enemy that ever faced them.

Thus, any global government has to go through Russia, and the only way to take down Russia is a global war which destroys both the United States and Russia, in Mutual Assured Destruction.

Even before Trump got accused of working with the Russians, people were working behind the scenes to foment discord.  Mike Morrell seems to have killed Putin's chauffeur.  Hillary was openly talking policy which would have led to war with Russia.  Obama apparently threatened Putin over the Red Phone (note the spin in that duplicitous news coverage).  Obama sent Marines to Norway.  Putin sent a flotilla past Britain.

And the unrelenting anti-Russian coverage has continued.  It is certainly intended to try and marginalize Trump, but it is also intended to create the climate for hostilities with Russia.

I have been saying for several months now that OBVIOUSLY somebody wants war with Russia.  But how fucking stupid would that be?  We spent over half a century of the nuclear era trying to AVOID war with them, because of the absolutely catastrophic costs both sides would pay.  What has changed?  Nothing.

But the Russians continue to stand in the way.

And what if they WON a nuclear war with the United States?  Would the power elite then, as they climb out of their bunkers, have created the possibility of a global government?  No.  It would still be a divided world, and frankly I would bet on the Russians against the Chinese.  It would be very important for these plans that Russia, for all intents and purposes, be destroyed.

For my part, I think Stephen Hawking, as awful as it is to say, is part of all this.  I think many people you would think beyond such considerations have in fact bought in.  It is much like the movie The Kingsmen, where the corruption is so vast it is nearly beyond belief.  They buy the idea that human beings are a virus on the Earth, and that our destiny is to either kill the host, or be killed in numbers sufficient for regeneration.

For my own part, I continue to believe people are not fucking lunatics.  It is an astonishing fact that these elites have sought not to make people smarter--and thus better able to make and support wise decisions--but rather stupider, and thus more susceptible to propaganda and bad ideas.

Thus, even if the Russians have developed these technologies, we should welcome them, because they make the risk of war on our side so much higher that it becomes much more unlikely, especially with Trump in the White House.  For his part, it's hard to see why Putin would want to destroy his oil and natural gas markets, or global trading partners, unless forced to.

I do believe that if Hillary had won the plan was to use the wiretaps on Trump to charge him with treason, arrest him, and at least discredit him, and ideally imprison him.  If it was Hillary's AG doing the work--much of the details of which would have been kept from the public because "national security"--that would have likely happened.  The war drums would have beat relentlessly, we would have had military battles in Syria, and who the fuck knows what would have happened.

Actual privilege

It is a necessity, given their atheistic and materialistic, Marxist bias, but modern Leftists invariably conflate "privilege" with, in effect, economic privilege, of which "class" or race privilege is supposed to be an expression.

Yet, the real gap is between children born into happy homes, and those born into miserable ones; and between those born into happy cultures, which retain a robust and spontaneous sense of connection, which dance and sing and tell stories by the firelight, and those like our own which force people into lonely boxes.

Where in Leftist discourse is there any native sense of the actual possibilities of human life?  They naively assume that if they attack what they term bad, that something better will spontaneously emerge, but why would this be so?  They use the abstraction of our culture to attack our culture, and in so doing reinforce what is worst about it, and attack what is best, which is to say that which was produced THROUGH abstraction, but which created the realities of human rights and economic wealth.

The logic of the Left is not dance, but the machine; violence, not love.

One could with justice point to the very real emotional disadvantages which often attend being born into poverty and a home missing a parent, and a home missing emotionally nurturing adults.

But, because they cannot imagine solutions--only violence--the Left refuses to go there.

Ponder what one can or should expect from people who deduct from all their equations all emotional realities except those of anger and grievance directed at people who bear no responsibility for actual harms.


The Social Justice Movement is an Emergent Property of the efforts of irrelevant people to feel relevant.

In my considered view, it has set actual social progress back by at least half a century.

Smoking, Anxiety and Modernity

I think I've got the drinking thing under control.  I am sleeping without alcohol.  The shaking is now manageable, and feels like the hind end of a major storm that has largely spent itself.

I've of course said this before, but in the past I felt either longing or antipathy to the MANY liquor stores around here (this is a drinking city), and now they feel like laudromats or TV repair shops.

I have squared with, taken a direct line with, the powerful feelings I used alcohol successfully first to avoid, then to manage, then to process.

Today, though, in an old story, I felt a need to smoke.  I've never liked cigarettes, but I am very fond of cigars.

And it hit me that anxiety is a natural emotion to feel in a world where intentional pandemics, nuclear war, and global economic collapse are all possible realities.  We live in a world where a lot of people want cultural and economic failure on the part of the mass of humanity.  This is not disputable.  Many of them, seemingly, live among us and drive Smart cars or Priuses.

Nor do we have reason to fully trust ANYONE who says they have it under control, or even that they have the best interests of the mass of humanity at heart.

I do think a credible case could be made that the addicts of the world are in some respects often the canaries in the coal mine.  They are the visionaries, and to quote Eminem, vision is scary.

To be an unconcerned member of a world where anxiety is a healthy reaction is to be in some respects mentally ill.

And being someone obsessed with the fissures within our culture, with the gaps between our culture (really, I should say cultures, shouldn't I?) and actual human needs, and with the seeming irrationality on the part of large segments of the western industrialized world, I cannot but speculate.

What are ways of palliating anxiety?  The most obvious, of course, is to sedate it.

But could we not posit as well that it is also possible to break down in the face of an unrelenting, unnameable menace, and side with it?

If the prospect of the demise of Western Culture is a source of unmanageable anxiety, could one not simply start wishing for it?  When some doom seems over the horizon, is it not in some respects human nature to just wish it were fucking here already?  Just do it.  Get it done.  Then I won't have to worry about it any more.

Can you not see people feeling this?

And can you not see surrendering primary responsibility for perception to someone, anyone, who says that they will deal with all the things which worry you?  With reverting to a childish dependence?  With gluing oneself irrevocably to a raft of people floating in the same flood, and clinging to them for very life?  You go up when they go up.  You do down on the waves when they go down.  Your relation is to them, not the oceans of emotion and change sweeping everything known away.

I do think in these speculations is a kernel of important truth.  This basic mechanism is, I feel, one of the most important factors in the disarming, of the Europeans particularly, of their ability to defend themselves and their cultural achievements from those who would destroy them.

You say outwardly "it will all be fine.  Nobody out there wants to hurt us.  Life will always continue as before", while inwardly longing on some level for a global fire to put it all out.


Tuesday, March 7, 2017

North Korea

I will admit to having had fantasies from time to time about a preemptive strike of some sort on North Korea.  Their people have been starving by the millions on a regular basis for over half a century, their leadership is insane, and their remaining people beaten and brutalized into pale shadows of what being human should mean.  They regularly threaten the region.  They have nothing to offer the world but mental disease and violence.

But then I remember that violence is almost always a bad solution.  It seems romantic to those who neither have to commit it nor suffer its consequences.  And North Korea has many ways of committing violence.

It has thus long seemed to me that the best approach would be something akin to buying out the senior leadership.  Give Kim Jung-Un a tropical island somewhere, and lifetime access to all the luxuries and amenities he cannot get in North Korea.  He likely has no idea at all what he is missing.  Provide him with women much more beautiful than he can get there.  Build him an amusement park, or race track, or whatever else pleases his fancy.

And keep our word.  Don't use it as a bait and switch.  Let him live out his natural life that way.  This basic method may come in handy more than once.

Think about it: how much do we spend annually on the troops in South Korea?  How much does South Korea spend in continual military readiness?

We could import enough food to feed the whole nation of North Korea for not much more, I would suspect, than we spend on the military.

And imagine the costs of rebuilding both the North, and likely large segments of the South, following a war, especially if nukes are used.  And how can we prevent at least nuclear artillery shells falling on Seoul?

This is where the TREASON which our intelligence agencies are committing with respect to Trump really come to matter in practical, immediate policy terms.  How can Trump negotiate with Kim Jung Un--and I really think it should happen leader to leader, as that is the only way a deal could be cut--when these mother fucking cunts are spying on the man they should be supporting, and leaking what they find out?

People need to be in jail.  Dozens at least, perhaps hundreds, and I would like to see it start with Brennan.  If he wants to start singing, and implicate Obama, so much the better.  Comey probably belongs in jail, too.  He OBVIOUSLY  needs to be fired.

Anyway, I'll end with two related precepts:

1) Violence is the last refuge of the incompetent.  I think Isaac Asimov said that.

2) Violence is the last recourse of an exhausted mind.  Father of friend of mine from long ago, both of whom knew something about violence.

Sunday, March 5, 2017

The media

I have for some time that conglomerate of attention aggregators we call sometimes the "mainstream media" the complicit media.

Effective immediately I am going start referring to them as the Duplicitous Media. They are far beyond complicity, and far beyond remembering HOW to tell the truth.

The people who do so much to fill minds emptied by illiberal educations with shit, but who continue to lie about their commitment to truth, collectively view that word as meaningless, and by extension lies as functionally equivalent, and politically superior.

They warrant contempt, and they warrant being ignored completely.

Saturday, March 4, 2017

Paul Ryan

I have grown to view Paul Ryan as contemptible.  He is in my view little better than Barack Obama.  Whatever credibility and personal integrity he signaled early on is gone.  There is nothing left but a will to cling to power.  He needs to be deposed and replaced.

His complete failure stands in stark contrast to Rand Paul, who continues to say the same words and fight for the same things he did when he first took office.

Fuck you Paul Ryan.  With friends like you, who needs enemies?

I am, obviously, very frustrated.  The shining light, the beacon of hope, though, is that Trump is still in charge, and there is no sign that will change.

Republicans still own Congress, and there will be a vote in 2 years to decide how many of this crop of crap Republicans get to keep their jobs in the House.

Part of the strategy of the Cultural Sadeists is to sow confusion and doubt.  I note that both of the articles I recently read on HuffPo and MSNBC did not allow comments.  8 years ago they LOVED comments.  They could rely on the usual people showing up and drowning out the few sane conservative voices who ventured into those dark places.

Now, all bets are off.  Virtually nothing is safe because far more of the nation than is obvious, and certainly far more than they will admit is WAKING THE FUCK UP.

And this is a waking up that cannot be reversed.  Once you realize these mother fuckers are lying through their teeth every day in support of policies that will hurt most Americans and enrich the people proposing them, you never trust them again.  There are no words which liars can say which will make sane people trust them again.

As much trouble as they continue to try to pretend Trump is in, the real existential threat to them is that this fucking pot may just boil over.  They are holding on to a few moderate people.  As much lying as they have done, as many stories as they have made up and CONTINUE to make up, there has to be a steady slide of people away from them.  Loyalty is built on trust and respect.  How can anyone respect people who lie as easily as they speak, about important things?

Yes of course they keep calling Trump the liar, but they have been doing that since he announced his candidacy, and he won the election, despite widespread cheating, despite continual attack by the media, despite being outspent by a third, and despite being wire-tapped by his opponents.

No matter what images they try to present, the REALITY has to be an on-going loss of trust on the part of a growing segment of Americans.

I know Trump has ordered an investigation into corruption, but regardless of the outcome, we need to rise to the standards of the rest of the world, which would include voter ID.

Obama Federalized the elections in the hope of using it as a method of attacking Trump.  I would say keep it Federal, but create a list of minimal standards all States have to meet in order to have their votes tallied on a national basis.

I continue to believe that Democrats cannot win any more national elections without cheating.  Eliminate cheating, and it becomes possible to have sane policy discussions again, from which the lunatics in their ranks can be excluded.  Don't kick them all out: just the fascist douchebags.

How things have changed

Somebody was reminding me today of how Dana Carvey used to make fun of George Bush.  It was funny.  It was a good impression.  Dana and George were able to talk with each other later and laugh about it.

In the 90's, Hillary and Bill and Harry Reid and others thought it insane that we would offer mass amnesty to people here illegally.

Barack Obama has permanently made politics in this country nastier, or at least for the foreseeable future.  NEVER before, in my recollection, and certainly not in the modern era, has a former President done so much, so soon, so openly not just to sabotage his successor, but start that process while STILL IN THE WHITE HOUSE.

The amount of cynicism on display, the contempt for decency, fair play, standards of behavior, and for tradition is mind-boggling.  Obama continues to show himself as the most contemptible, dishonorable, criminal person ever to disgrace the White House.  He can't let one month elapse.  He was feeding information to Trump's enemies, many of whom remain in the intelligence community, and well positioned for dirty tricks.  Even Nixon never had to contend with such open treasonous behavior.  Back then, at least many intelligence professionals loved this country, or their version of it.  Those days seem to be gone.

It is very late in the day.  Trump needs to stay within the rule of law, but the law breaking is so staggering that this is no practical obstacle at all.

Clearly, records have been destroyed.  All records have custodians.  Those people need to be arrested and put in jail until they testify who gave the orders.  Everywhere in the government, anybody who has altered, destroyed, or concealed the existence of any public records needs to be fired and then criminally prosecuted.  Turn up the heat.

And I continue to believe a decimation would be in order.  A 10% reduction in force, in addition to the firing of all Obama cronies.  Will this hurt performance and morale?  Of course, for a time.  But what is the practical alternative?  Pretending we do not have a massive infestation of traitors?

I am livid

A sitting President had his main political opponent wire-tapped during the General Election.  They have more or less admitted it.

And if you think Obama was not getting briefed on the results, stop reading this fucking blog, and go walk in front of a large bus somewhere and relieve this belabored world of your fucking stupidity. I'm serious: you are a fucking canker on the possibility of intelligence.

Here is the plain and simple truth: something less than half the electorate hates Trump, and something more than half our government hates him.

But over half the electorate--the part that matters--understands FULLY that our system is absolutely broken, and that thousands of heads need to roll, starting as soon as possible.

There is no compromise, and there is no point in pretending that ANYTHING he does will win sympathy from people who want nothing more than to see him shot.

He needs to start criminal investigations IMMEDIATELY on all the laws Obama broke.  Bo Bergdahl and the Iranian deal would be good starts.  He needs to start arresting people for the IRS targeting scandal.  He need to subpoena all public records regarding Fast and Furious.  He needs to get a detailed briefing on the likely arms sold or simply given to what became ISIS and find out what training they received.

Obama needs to spend the next eight years trying to stay out of jail, and at some point, he needs to fail.

Likewise with Hillary.  Why take the high road with that fucking lying cunt?  Throw the book at her.  If Comey won't do his fucking job, find someone who will.

I think it's time to circle the wagons and say "if you aren't with me, you are against me".  It is that simple.

I want to read about mass firings.  I want to read about prosecutions starting at the bottom, then pushing up and up until people start naming big names or go to jail for very long periods of time.

And as far as Obamacare, nobody who benefited from it voted for Trump.  My view now is "fuck them".  They will not come back if the Republicans try to throw them a bone.  Not going to happen.

The people who put Trump in office--and now it is an even BIGGER miracle Trump won--are the ones who suffered and continue to suffer under Obamacare.  Give them what they want.  Nobody else matters.  They will never come back, no matter what.

This is a zero sum game played by amoral savages who hate everything decent about this country, and who ache to bring it to its knees.  There is no compromise.

Now is the time for winning.  Trump is in the Oval Office.  He calls the shots.

Start firing back at these people in the only ways they will understand: the pure use of warranted, legal, power.

And it occurs to me too he needs to start recruiting agents throughout the government, who will tell him about plots to sabotage his policies.

This is fucking Orwellian.   This is the infiltration of the government at the highest level by Fifth Columnists, who are uniformly LUNATICS.  Nothing they want makes sense.  The Nazis were at least rational in wanted to help ordinary Germans.  The fucking Left doesn't even want to do that.  They want fiefdoms, and miserable peasants.  That is an inglorious and horrific vision.

And more than anything, they want moral death.  Not all suicides involve blood.  Most of them happen in silence, and afterwards, the body lives on for a long time.

I was reading about the attacks on Charles Murray, how these ghouls swarmed his car and yanked the hair of his female colleague so hard she was hospitalized, and is this not a literal depiction of a zombie swarm?  I am completely serious.  You have the hate filled eyes, the unthinking violence, and the complete rejection of everything that makes us as humans superior to savage beasts.


Can you derive an orgasm logically?  Can you make yourself physically cum through abstracts reasoning?

I hope not.

To me, proper morality has the same immediacy and physical character as sexual experience. It is an Emergent Property of a system in connection with a specific context. It is not denuded of abstraction, but it never separates itself from a sense of reality and intimate connection.

I may disagree with myself tomorrow, but that is what I feel at the moment.

There is no Is of feelings

I would like to assert that there are no "bad" feelings, merely unprocessed ones.

Is a fire alarm bad? Not if there is a fire. That is what it is there for. You call the fire department, they check it out and either put out the fire or tell you it was a false alarm. Then they reset it. This is how it is supposed to work.

Nervous systems of course are much more complex, but the principle is the same. An emergency--or what feels like an emergency--emerges, and in a healthy system awareness is maintained, resources, particularly calming resources--are deployed, and a healthy status quo que ante is reinstated.

PTSD is not a fire, but rather a fire alarm that cannot be turned off. The fire was long ago.

And on a slightly different note, could one not argue that sadness can be an EXPANSIVE emotion? In feeling your own pain can you not feel that of the world? Where could compassion arise except with an honest feeling of, and processing of, through kindness and gentleness, ones own loneliness, brokenness, and silent fears?

Friday, March 3, 2017

Psychological indictor

I would like to suggest that the most important thing about a person, as far as predicting who they will be ten years from now, is curiosity.  Curiosity inherently breeds growth, or so I believe.  And incuriosity likewise breeds stagnation.

As I have noted on several occasions, the tiny nation of Israel, is at least one thousand times more inventive on a per capita basis than the Arab and Islamic world.

Islam means submission.  And that submission is to a final text, written roughly in the 7th century AD, which purports to include all knowledge necessary to transit this life successfully.  No added science is needed, no learning of any sort.  Nor is any soul-searching, or dark nights of the soul needed.  You just have to do exactly what you are told, across a life-time, then you reach an eternal heaven.

In my own view, no more pernicious doctrine for actual spiritual, social, cultural, economic, or political development could be imagined.  No doubt many people grow anyway, become good people anyway, but all that in spite of, not because of their foundational text.

In South Asia, many Muslims dance and play music.  So too did the Sufis.

In the 1970's, Iran, Iraq, Afghanistan, Lebanon, and other nations were quite liberal with respect to women.  The Islamists--who in my view were largely funded and driven by the Soviets through their agents--ended all that.

What more dull life could be imagined that being forced to recite the exact same prayer 5x a day for the rest of your life?  Where nearly every possible spontaneous expression of praise and joy is forbidden?

Violence is the inevitable result.  One could as easily lay our impulse to conquer North America to our Puritanism, frustration, latent anger, and following self congratulatory moralisms.

Violent, Music and Islam

Well, I think I have reached a root understanding of human violence in my own body, which continues to attack me at night in the form of unprocessed trauma.

I think the root of human violence is that in most forms, people do not see it as violence; or at least, they invariably frame their own violence as protective, proactive, necessary.

I'm watching a documentary on Dietrich Bonnhoeffer, and they have footage of Hitler.  It is a recurring theme in his actual speeches that he does not want violence, but by God he is not going to let it be visited on the German people, that he is sick of the crimes the Jews commit against Germans, how they sabotage them at every turn.  And how the international community cannot wait to shrink Germany into a small space and cut their balls off (in effect).

Hitler never said "we need to invade the Soviet Union and Western Europe".  What he said was that Germany needed space to live and breathe, and that on all sides everyone was trying to prevent it, and to confine them.

All mass violence begins like this.  People have violence in them at all times, but they need an excuse to let it out.  An excuse, to return to the modern era, like the belief that "fascists must be attacked".  This belief, of course, has less validity than Hitler's claim that the world wanted to confine Germany, which was somewhat true (they did after all start World War 1, for somewhat similar reasons).

Be all that as it may, I am going to try for a longer term sobriety again, this time based on understandings I did not have even a week ago, which is that at root addiction is internally directed rage, and as such a remnant of a violence which happened outside of me, which I could not control, but which presumes my own life is worthless.  My own life is not worthless. I cannot control the storms which happen outside of me, and which regrettably play out within me still.  But I can focus on the good, and learn to calm myself.  I have already had some successes.

So, I feel this violence, deeply. I  do not get sex yet, but I get violence.  I think I can say that.

And what soothes violence is music and dance.  I was reading this piece yesterday, somewhat at random:

Does it not seem obvious that music has, as the saying puts it, the "power to soothe the savage soul"?  Does it not seem obvious that it brings people together, even disparate, different people?  Does it not seem obvious that dance does as well?  That it brings about spontaneous social orders which are robust, at least for a time, and quite real?

Ponder in this regard the prohibitions in Islam respecting music, dance, representational art, and intoxication in any form.

Could one not say that this religion is constructed so as to PREVENT the formation of any spontaneous order OUTSIDE of violence?  War is of course a well proven way of building comradery, and group cohesion.  And I suppose gang rape is a sort of war, isn't it?

Islam is an order intrinsically and intentionally based on the use of force.  Force to prevent women's "immodesty".  Force to ensure conversion to Islam.  Force to ensure no one leaves Islam.  Force to make sure people pray 5x a day.  Force in the face of anyone who criticizes Islam.  Everywhere, a war, even within the "House of Peace", to keep it homogeneous.

Genuine individuation and the development of personal moral consciousness is impossible in such a situation.  It is a totalitarianism which in the case of the Saudis literally extends to your bedroom and what you do with your dick.

I have always noticed on college campuses that the Muslim students are almost invariably clustered in groups of 2-3.  If they are not in a group, they are looking for one.  People who do not value independence and individualism need one another for continual reinforcement.  It has no room for a personal, conscience based relationship with God.  Rather, it is a social system organized by force to coerce everyone to interact with one another and the process of prayer in ways determined 1,500 or so years ago, in a desert far, far away.

This is the major point, though: how is peace possible with people who hate joy, who hate dance, who hate singing, who hate music, and who hate non-abstract art, which is to say, virtually all of the crowning achievements of the human spirit, the world over, and who are unique in all this?

Thursday, March 2, 2017

Obamacare repeal

Rand Paul is absolutely right that the longer we delay, the less likely a full repeal is.  I think the situation is simple: it is a Gordian Knot, so cut it in half once, and decisively.

Rand Paul's free market ideas will work, and as far as all the people added to government rolls, give them 2--hell, 3, or 4, as long as it is a finite number--years to find something else, then end the subsidies.

Just simplify it that way.  Everything that started under Obamacare goes away in a fixed period of time.  Full Stop.  Put into place sane free market principles and policies and watch people's rates go down, and their coverage go up, along with the overall amount of healthcare available in this country, which has been declining for obvious reasons.

When did Republicans turn the tide, and start winning back seats nationally?  Since TWO THOUSAND TEN, which was the first election after Obamacare passed on a completely partisan basis.

This number of 1,000 net seats gained gets passed around, but it is ENTIRELY dependent--the motion towards Republicans everywhere in all governments--on Republicans acting like conservatives, and SPECIFICALLY their repealing Obamacare.

Remember 2006?  Democrats retook Congress.  Why?  Because we had a Republican Congress and a Republican President, and we may as well have had Barack Obama in the White House then, Ted Kennedy running the Senate, and Tip O'Neill running the House.  It was ludicrous.  It is a major miracle Obama was able to perform even worse.

But if Republicans even START going back to those days, their support will vanish in a whiff of smoke.  They have every possible support they could ever want.  Now is the time.  Fuck it up and there will be consequences.  There was no Tea Party then.  There is now, and we are paying attention.  Do not fail if you want to keep your jobs, especially in the House.


I've been watching some of the many videos on YouTube about the evidence for a lost civilization that was wiped out in some massive cataclysm about 12,000 years ago.

With regard specifically to a wall built in Peru or Bolivia that they could not explain--the rocks in many cases are so hard they could only be cut with diamond tools, and are cut in many cases with such precision that in the modern era it could only be done with precision machines, and given their many ton size, even that would present considerable logistical challenges--I had a vision.  I allow my inner world fairly free rein, and thought I might share what came to me.

One of these walls was built by three brothers in the course of a week or two.  They possessed an ability to liberate or activate the space within the boulders, both to make them relatively weightless, and to allow them to be molded like marshmallows.  One brother made them weightless, one carried them, and one fit them into the wall.  It is not that the found conforming rocks and cut them, but that they used any available rocks and just squeezed them in.

They were quite funny.  They were very carefree, and joked continually.  And the wall was built not as a structure to live in, but as a way of altering the subtle energy flow in the area.  When they were done, they sat for a very long time, perhaps days, perhaps weeks, soaking in the energy, feeling its flow, and it nourished them the way food normally would.

This whole notion of activating space I have pondered.  All matter is mostly space.  This is simple scientific fact.  It is 99% plus space.  What appears solid is constituted with these little tiny bits that are just tiny, infinitesimal specks in the overall thing.  In a typical atom, if you have a golf ball sized nucleus at the fifty yard line in a football stadium, the electrons are somewhere in the upper bleachers, and perhaps marble sized.  This is my rough recollection.

Now, we also know space is never empty.  There is an oceanic, essentially infinite energy source all around us called the Zero Point Field, or Quantum Vacuum. Activating this would be activating space.

And when I ponder this, I wonder what gravity really works on, and why it is so strong.

We continue to not understand gravity, but obviously it is related to the creation of Mass.  This is an interesting thought: does the mass exist prior to the gravitational interaction?

Without being able to understand the math--I have only had very basic Calculus--I recall reading somebody derived Newton's F=MA by integrating the Zero Point Field.  This equation has always simply been posited.  It was not supposed to be derivable.

Most of the interesting work in the 21st century will, in my view, take into account the Quantum Vacuum.

And I did want to follow up on a previous post: if Abstraction is the modern equivalent of ritual sacrifice, then the ultimate avatar of Abstraction--a violent, anti-life process, even if it allows us to build things--is Artificial Intelligence.  The underlying emotional drive motivating those who obsess over this technology is in my view self loathing.  There is no need for this technology, which is obviously very dangerous, and could lead to the end of at least human life on Earth.  There are many possible Apocalypses.  Why build any?

Wednesday, March 1, 2017

Losing my last narcotic

I had a tough time this morning.  I drank too much last night, but what that does--what I hope it will do--is expand me and break down walls, which it did in a major way.

It broke something I have been lapping up against for some time, which is the very high wall of my intellectualism.  Abstraction, I see, is a powerful narcotic, one which allows you to avoid most emotions, perhaps for a lifetime.

But it does so at the cost of being in the moment, of genuinely feeling happy and connected with the world, which is what I have been trying so hard to cultivate.

Here is a bon mot: Abstraction is the Sacrifice of the modern era.

What I mean by this is we bind parts of our collective lives in abstraction.  We sell a part of the experience of having a soul, of being a living, breathing being on Earth, for protection from the realization of our more primitive instincts.

What I also mean is that Sacrifice--human, animal and other--was a means of processing for a time all the demonic impulses within a society.  In our own society, we in general eschew violence--at least our chattering, academic class does, and particularly when it appears warranted in the pursuit of national security--;but it does not go away when it is ignored.  It appears as abstraction.  Individual and social "selves" are split into the sane and shadow.

And one sees this process of abstraction in place when you ponder the ease with which the Left has been able to peddle, and get repeated, the ridiculous comparisons of Trump with Hitler.  Agree or disagree with his policies--and by and large they have been pretty clearly expressed, and all seem on their way to being implemented--he is NOTHING like Hitler.  His supporters are nothing like fascists.  Only people lacking the capacity to connect emotional intelligence to the process of thinking could possibly be that stupid.

And I see too that "crusading" is almost always both the result of abstraction, and an effort at avoiding unpleasant feelings.  Many people need to be needed, so even if the people they want to "help" don't want that help, even if they explicitly reject it, they will "help" anyway.  And in the case of black people, part of the dynamic has been convincing them they are functionally helpless, and that they do need help, which to my eye looks like grotesque racism.

And if the problem does not exist, they invent it.  By and large, the transgender folks have been managing the bathroom issue quite well for some time.  The only current addition to the debate is whether or not people who are OBVIOUSLY a different gender get to impose their will on others.  This does not make sense to me, or most people, which is why this is a great cause for people who need to be needed.  Since they are battling common sense and long custom, they are well positioned to use the resistance they encounter to bolster their internal sense of moral supremacy.

But to take that last shot of abstraction away from myself, I was in my body for a time, and it felt good.