Wednesday, August 9, 2017

Letting go of anger

I am slowly releasing my anger, and it hit me this morning that what I will miss is the feeling of power that it gave me.  It is a constant energy surge, even if it is one which is also exhausting.  It feels like it creates a barrier between me and those who would hurt me.

But I also feel that it is not a foundation for a life.  It is living in the clouds, in an undifferentiated and constantly moving space where you can never feel at home.  There is no texture, no interesting color, merely a relentless monotony.

And I felt that a stable personality must be built brick by brick, patiently, as a workman.  You can build a home, a place to feel safe, a place to live and feel comfort, but not through what destroys it.

I think the image of Jesus as a carpenter is apposite here, since what he preached was building a structure, a skeleton, upon which could be placed a roof, and beneath and within which one could live.

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